march 6th

Time sure flys...when your doing alot of nothing. I spent most of yesterday flopping from the computer chair to the couch. I somehow intentally gave myself permission to be a slug and took it to the extreem. I used to say, we all need days like that, but when you seem to do that day in and day out...I think it becomes pure LAZINESS. Got on the scales this am, ( guess I was hoping that the fat farries had come in the night and took 50 pounds) and was shocked that the numbers keep climbing. REALLY? Shocked? It's not like there has ever been this amazing do nothing but lounge around and eat diet. I don't know what gets in my way....I can lay in bed at night or early in the morning and think...today is the day that I get in gear. I cant even make it through the first 1/2 hour and I have already decided that it would be best if I just waited to work on this AFTER.....fill inthe blank. It appears that I have avoided the reality of things for so long I have lost control of my life. The idea of stepping out of what has become the norm seems all to terrifying I guess. I'm like an alcoholic slowly killing myself. Living in some Denialville town somewhere oodling at blogs, pinterest, computer sites, or absorbing myself in the television seems to be my beast. I will spend hours looking at things on this computer and thinking "Oh I wish I could do that, go there, make that, etc." I can imagin what my life would be if...., but the idea of actually doing falls short. I guess the reality is I have found that if I just DONT look at it, it will go away. Bury my head in the sand and some how the bad stuff will just disapear. No magic wand here? What do you mean. I look around and think how did I get here. I work with people who are making major changes in their lives and I'm suppose to be some "role model" of good health. I teach and support healthy livestyles, getting out of denial, addressing your problems, and here I am buried up to my eyeballs in BAD choices!!!! And then I wonder why I feel like my life is such s%&^. I have agreed to that contract, signed my name on the dotted line and allowed myself to live it. So where do I go with all this. I mean it is easy to complain, knowing is half the battle right? What I need is action. An addiction specialist would say, a counselor would say, a Dr. would say....do and the habit will follow. So I start there, work on the behaviors. Make the daily commitment. For today, I will start by ending this blog, and getting myself moving, pack my gym bag and go directly to the gym after work.