november 1

Holiday over and back to normal. Well not the old normal, because that needs to change. It is all to evident that a change must be made as it is a new month and also the month of my birth, and I clearly am getting that itch. Each day I get closer to that change in my age status I am reminded of the wrinkles, the marks, the aches, the lost waist line and the greys. (although mine are more of a white then grey). But forgo the visual and physical signs that I am getting old, each birthday reminds me of what I haven't done and what I need to do. Ironic really, I often visualize what it will be like when I can retire, all the kids out of the house, just time for me and the hubby, maybe some much needed traveling. I even have hubby's retirement plans visual in my mind (of course he will never retire, he wouldn't know what to do with himself) so I got it all planned out for him. I envision finally being out of debt. being able to spend hours crafting, taking holidays to far away places. Maybe and I say this with no immediacy enjoying my grandchildren. Yet with the cannot wait for the days when, I know that I need to find a way to say I  stop and enjoy the now. I have always been a some day kind of a person. Someday when (insert here) then I can be happy. After all today days was once my someday....wasn't it? And poof no magic has happened. I would totally be having a terrible life if I had kept the idea that once I loss weight then.....because that someday has been longstanding, just take a look at the mile high pile of clothing I have in my closet price tags still attached just waiting for that someday when I can fit into them. It's sad really.....been spending so much time visualizing the days when, that somehow the days of now have slipped through my fingers. Gonna go think about that for a bit, get myself out the door for work and visit this blog later.  

Back for consistency....should I dare tell myself that I have made it to my blog for day two? Already done to bad. I thought about what I think I would like to write and decided that honestly who really reads this and have committed to writing this simply for myself. Not that I am being selfish and of course anyone who would like to view my blog has the prerogative to do so, but that I really think I need to have this space for me. The thing is, I am no one special, I have no great amazing hidden talent, I most definitely have no words of wisdom to share, I'm just me. I am instead; pretty average, lack in the talent department, and clearly short of wisdom. I am however, a soon to be 43 year old women who continues to yearn for something more then what I have allowed my 43 years to become. Now I am not going to get on some self pity poor me party, (I've already done that), there are after all, many things, (tons in fact) I do love about my life and if I think about them the whole idea that there is somehow something missing from my life seems absurd. I don't think I complain to much at least most people would be surprised to hear that I am lacking in the contentment department. I have a wonderful family an amazingly supportive husband, an abundance of  great friends, many hobbies, I am employed and as I noted yesterday, I only work 20 hrs a week, and got today off to enjoy my son's halloween parade. I am also one of the fortunate people who really does not HAVE to work. I have a side business; CTMH that keeps me in my addiction to scrapbooking, and with that business I have met and enjoyed so many truly talented and fun women that I consider like sisters. I have two older children who have somehow someway by the grace of God, found the right road and have very promising futures. I have the wealth of my education and experience, the opportunity to return to school, the finances to afford most things; at least we have never gone without, and incredibly giving  parents if we do. I have a nice assortment of interests; crafting, True Blood, girls night, the theater, games with the kids, reading, taking fun classes-like cake decorating, couponing and saving money, facebook, traveling and wishing I could travel more.( I am sure there is more) I am for the most part and really should be a happy women. When it is all spelled out in black and white I feel pretty pathetic in the fact that there really is something missing from what I need to make me whole. Perhaps that is where the drive falls short. I mentioned yesterday that I am a hurry up and run kind of gal. I get all pumped up in one area of my life with the thought that somehow this plan or goal will be the thing that will change my life. This week it happens to be working on yet another blog and I have considered yet again the importance of loosing weight and getting healthy.  My husband tells me all the time that I need to stop searching for the answer in something, but look in me instead. He is a shrink after all, maybe he really does know a little something about this. For a long time I thought my dissatisfaction came when I got laid off from my job, loss my big income, loss my sense of security and purpose, but my ever analytic hubby remind me all the time that I wasn't exactly happy then either. I guess I have to ask myself am I really going to be happy if I get that license, loose all the weight, find that big dollar job, get a new hairdo, have the perfect house/car/family whatever?  Well probably not. Trying to fix my emptiness with yet another weight loss plan, a new job, another class at the local craft store, painting my bedroom, returning to graduate school, taking a workshop, volunteering my time, writing a blog, taking up running, stopping nicotine use, making another to do list, scheduling my day, buying a new outfit, buying a bike, cleaning my house or whatever may make me happy for the moment but that moment never lasts. I end up quitting the pursuit, the plan ceases or sometimes I get to the goal and I look around and there I am again...now what. Why start the plan if the outcome is going to be the same. Look at that, now I am even more confused. If I strip away the goals, I am not sure what I might do with myself. Maybe I need to stick with the goal, commit to something and perhaps I will see that there is an end to my means, or maybe I need to stop defining the objective as happiness. When I develop a treatment plan with a client, I never have the long or short term goal to include "be happy". Productive/free of complications from/ management of  perhaps, but NEVER happy, the goal would be unmeasurable and never met. Maybe I should develop my own treatment plan? I think I just might. Wow!!!! Not sure if I gained any insight, think I might have to sit onit for awhile. But I do have to get ready for my son's Parade and prepare for the Halloween evening festivities. TTFN   

Todays blog is point in fact, that I fail miserably at consistency. (Note the last time I wrote anything here) Which may be perhaps my biggest defect! I am and always have been quiet good in the beginning of all things I set my mind out to do. I just don't seem to do all that well at continuing. The last time I told myself that I was going to commit to my blog, I honestly and truly had all the most good intention to do so. Like many thing in my life I take off running. There I goooooooooooooo, then suddenly STOP. I don't even give myself a day of reprieve and start back on that road towards my goal, but utterly and completely just STOP! Then, I'll get that little nag in myself to start once again at whatever plan, deal, promise, musts, have to's, need to's to do and begin that race all over again, only never to reach the finish line. So what has "shot the gun" this time?
Well nothing really has happened. Life has not delivered me some terrible must change news. In fact life has been pretty much going smooth. I have found a way to simply accept my job and stop bitchen about it. I am trying to embrace the position and relish in the positives of the whole thing; I only work 20 hours a week. I arrive at least an hour after everyone else, and I leave sometimes three hours before they do. Is there more pressure to get the work done; yes, but I do my best work under pressure and one good thing about doing the same thing for 15 damn years, you can pretty much do it in your sleep. I have let go of trying to define who I am around what I do. Am I 100% free of that vice, well no and I might just be feeding myself some line of bullshit right now, but I do know that it has no longer taken over my entire existence.  Although I may accept where I am in my professional life right now, I did not say that I am ready to make this job be the end of my career choice. I still and have dabbled in, for more years then I care to admit the idea of returning to school, getting my license and returning to a career in mental health. I have also expressed an idea of returning to school and changing my career field all together. Each day I change my mind.
I did commit to some volunteer work with the local domestic violence and abuse clinic. I currently volunteer every 1st and 3'd Monday of the month to answering crisis calls. I used the word commit, wow! To be terribly honest after being forgotten on a agency email about a change in a meeting time, only to show up and the event canceled, I  DID think about "slipping" out of this so called commitment out of anger, but wisely decided against it still bitter that I had driven 25 min in rush hour traffic and back another 25, in addition  unable to attend the re-scheduled meeting due to my last minute awareness of the change. I currently am sustaining my commitment to this, after all I enjoy what I am doing there and I really do what to help. 
These thing never seem to take the direction I had planned. I had wanted to commit to a discussion around why I need to address my inability to commit, and here I am, on a detour and the time is telling me that my best route for the evening is off to bed. I also really wanted to write that I do hear the "gun". The on your mark, get set and goooo is here and although life may be going smoothly I know deep in myself that I cannot live with acceptance of self any longer and I need to make my move. I just have to find a way to make the commitment to being consistent. ttfn
  

CRAFTY CORNER-

Still nothing happening here. I've been pretty busy with other things this week. Can't wait for my CTMH order to arrive...and I AM GOING TO STOP and get ADHESIVE today no matter what.

SAVINGS-

There has been no savings since my last post. I have been obsessing about finances for the vacation so I am trying not to spend money. However, I did go to the Greek Fest last night and spent a ton of money on GREEK food. Hey, it only happens once a year and NO they do not offer coupons. I have a few great deals that I plan to use on Sunday, only a few items but hey. I also have my vacation menu done and think that with my meal planning at least eating during that week will be on the cheep. I also printed off as many activity coupons for the area as I could. $.50 is $.50 off ya know.

I did make it to the store. Paid $1.45 for all this  and got some coupons adding up to $5.00 on my next purchase of crackers and meats.

WELLBEING-

Once again, there is nothing to tell here. I can comment on some stuff that isn's about me. My hubby the skeptic, was informed by a friend who visited a medium that his deceased father had a message for him. I thought it was really neat and actually inspiring. My hubby thought it was pretty creepy and now he's depressed. I wish he would believe in something outside of this realm regardless to what that might be. He might be a happier person with some FAITH in his life.

My Princess and little man at the Greek Fest.

MY LIFE-

Things have been busy to say the least. Dinner with mom on Monday, Tuesday after plans to attend my eldest senior picnic (which was canceled) I finally got my barrings and enjoyed an evening with some girlfriends at a Patylite Party. I WON two freebee's and was awarded a $50- gift certificate for my efforts on my previous party, even though I was about $20- short of the hostess freebee's. How nice of the consultant and before that I was pissed. Anyways it was a fun evening and we all might just keep attending parties as an excuse to get together. Wednesday with work done and all intentions of attending my eldest awards ceremony....the bubble popped. I call my son...."do you want me to pick you up?" Him "why" me "for the awards ceremony"  "that's not tonight"  " Are you sure"  "yes!" Okay off the phone quick to call mom who is surly on her way to the ceremony. Can't reach her, SURE my son is wrong I go on a mad dash to find the information. Find it!!!! YES it is tonight and about to start in like 10 minutes and it is not where I thought it was or where my mom is going. Call back son, "It is tonight are you ready to go".......long long pause, "No" Call mom again, no answer. Send hubby to where we thought the ceremony was to tell mom. Wait wait wait. Hubby calls, no mom! Call my mom's finally an answer. She went to two different places and finally gave up.Gee's! Called eldest and said you had better call grandma and apologize. Disapointed that my son doesn't even want to recieve his adwards, but he has always kind of been that kid. So we missed awards, no senior picnic. He is soooo nontraditional. He didn't  go to the proms, didn't do senior pictures. Why would I think he would have anything to do with the rest of the SENIOR traditions. I asked before we hung up......ARE WE GONNA GET TO SEE YOU WALK THE STAGE or are you NOT going to that too?  "I'll do that" he says. Thats next week, I guess we will see. Last night was the Greek Fest. A yearly tradition that began when I was just a kid. I'm not Greek, but my bestie growing up is, and we would go with her family every year. Of course things were different then, we were young. I still have fun, but it was never as fun as when we were little girls trying to do the dances, oodling over the hot boy dancers, eating the honey balls. She has since moved to Florida, still wish we could carry on the tradition together. 

CRAFTY CORNER-

I've got nothing new for the crafty corner. I still have not gone and picked up adhesive. Shame on me. I can discuss my weekly project. I saw several posts out there on people who have dedicated themselves to making a weekly layout on what they have done every week of the year. I can honestly say that despite the lack of adhesive, I have been diligent about scraping my every single week since Jan 1 of 2012. (Above is an example of what my weekly page looks like). While blog stalking I noticed that there is a website where you can actually purchase page protectors and paper inserts to help make your weekly project much easier and quick. I personally have a stash of old paper packs and supplies to build a house with to simply cut my own and simply add my own embellishments. I always have like one or two pictures from an event that has happened that really doesn't need an actually full layout and I so enjoy reflecting over my life with something more creative then an old date book or worn out calender with several cross-outs no color no picture. It's kind of like a weekly full on action diary. Biggest bonus has been.....I am FORCED to journal! And guess what, if I do get behind in my regular scrapbooking....as if that ever happens (LOL) I think I have actually dented into last summers events at this point. (I can boast that being within the current decade is a BIG accomplishment for many so I'm not doing to bad.)

SAVINGS-

I am proud to make claim that last evening after my couponing I saved almost $40-. My family and I had dinner at Smokey Bones Restaurant. I had received a $10- gift card in the mail towards a meal at Smokey Bones for free and had a $10- coupon off a $20- total at Smokey Bones. We saved $20- on our meal. After dinner I did some must hit coupon deals at Price Chopper and bought the items pictured above. The total was $10.67.... after my coupons and in store specials but I also got three Catalina coupons for my next visit for a total of $4.00. So basically I spent $6.67 on the products above. Retail was something close to $24.00 I'm not anywhere near an extreme coupon er....but I got to say. It sure feels good to save some money!!!!  PS....look at the produce!!!! People always tell me you can never get healthy food with coupons. Corn was 100% FREE, Milk was a BUCK, the grapes cost me $1.29 and the cereal after the Catalina coupons cost something like $.50.

 WELLBEING-

Maybe I should just leave this little section out. I have done nothing about my wellbeing...Maybe someday I will have something amazing to say like I ran the womens Ironman, give play by play instructions on this absolutely wonderful recipe on a lowfat dinner, offer this mind blowing before and after picture, perhaps I will have some enriching spiritual quot or new meditations mantra, or a picture of me climbing a mountain. But for now I have nothing, I can't even say I made that call to the Dr's office to get my damn headaches checked out. 

MY LIFE-

First off, I'd like to say, corn tortilla shells do not make a good soft taco. They fall apart. Bummer I bought a stack of  80 for $.99. Now what the hell am I gonna do with them?? I made it through work coverage. There was only four people in the group. How ideal and made for a quick and easy note in the chart. Well worth the dollars I should earn for the time I would have otherwise wasted stalking on this computer or looking at the tv. Enjoyed a nice dinner with my eldest and youngest son's and my mom at Smokey Bones last evening. Purchased the book the Hunger Games for Little Man to read.....(I have one rule about purchases for the kids...If they are gonna read it....I will almost always under no condition say no to the purchase. Plus, when he's done I can read it too...he refuses to read it with me...Really when did he get so GROWN ?? My eldest son's senior picnic was CA, so it did end up to be Taco Tuesday tonight....with those not so eatable shells. The Princess had a job interview this afternoon. Crossing fingers she gets a job.  Waiting for my Gal Pal Tami to come over so we can head off for a night of BINGO and Candles at my good friend Renee's candleparty. Life is pretty gosh darn good for the most part!!!! I'm off.

TTFN 

CRAFT CORNER-

Here are a few of the items I crafted this weekend. They need titles, bling and journaling (For as much as I type on here, you'd think I  was a master at journaling, but I am awful...I can go look a pages I did years ago and find empty journal blocks and think wt? )  I also ordered some CTMH supplies and have intentions of going to the local AC Moore (using my 50% off coupon) to buy some ADHESIVE (can you believe I ran out). My hubby always makes fun of me and uses the lines from fight club referring to the first rule of Scrapbook club.....always remember adhesive, second rule always remember adhesive. Hey, at least he's supportive of my hobby!!!!

Here is a preview of the baby book I have started for my friend Molly (she better not be viewing my blog). I have alot to do and very little time. I also need to quick make my son's Grad. party invites. Craft overload!

SAVINGS-

I have been so busy with trying to juggle my money and stretch my budget that I might even have to make an unscheduled trip to Price Chopper this week as well, just to use my unbeatable coupons. Can I just go and use coupons? We'll find out. I have made a weekly meal plan this week too, but I am totally going to be out to meals (mostly paid for) most of the week. Tonight is dinner with my mom, so there goes tonight's in tented plan, tomorrow night (taco night-meats already out of the freezer gonna have to cook it today before it goes bad). is my son's senior picnic and later is FREE pizza with my girl Renee at her Partylite shin-dig. Wednesday will have to be taco night, Thursday as always at this time of the year I'm heading to the Greek Fest and dining on Greek Foods! Friday will have to be a quick freezer menu or leftover ground beef and something from the taco meat. Saturday I am off to my college reunion to eat til my stomach pops! Sunday maybe I can follow a weekly meal plan. hubby surprised us all with Tully's chicken dinners last evening. And I wonder why I am so FAT!!!! 

Anyways, I expanded my coupon binder from a few raggedy envelopes to an actual expandable binder with labels and everything. I sorted all current coupons and realized after analyzing the Price chopper circular and all of the coupons I have to make a shopping trip off my bi-monthly schedule. Good thing I haven't blown my paycheck just yet! If your a Price Chopper shopper..like them on FB and get additional savings on baking items this week.

WELLBEING-

Nothing new to add here.......so sad too bad. My dear friend Aunt Flo arrived yesterday afternoon spoiling any plans of taking an evening swim at the YMCA or joining in ZUMBA Aquatics this am. Some people are ok swimming with Flo...I am not. So we will wait to get the swimsuit on. I also had a terrible headache that I could not get rid of, Thanks again Aunt Flo . Despite this, Flo or any other relative including Hubby with his surprised Tully's dinner....... CLEARLY these are all EXCUSES!!!!!



Gonna try and eat healthy tonight out with my mom....but Flo often mess's those intentions up too. I can say, I am staring my Monday out 2 pounds lighter then I was on Sunday.  

My LIFE-

Not much to say, I am scrambling to pull things together for the week ahead. Just realized that it's nearing 10:30 and I volunteered to cover a co-workers shift at work, so that changes my plans for a store run. At the time I agreed to help out, I was all good with coming in on my day off....now I'm cursing myself for saying yes. Well it's only for about 21/2 hours I can probably handle it. Called on my licence...... they still haven't looked at my stuff yet...it's only been a month. I asked if they thought I would have some kind of idea before the fall semester as I would like to start classes soon. He didn't know....really!!!! My sons FA packet was returned. I forgot to enter ZERO's in one of the sections...again REALLY!!!!! He still needs to submit his W-2's too, but come on now. Why is this stuff so stiken hard to complete?  Did get my tickets for his GRADUATION!!! Can't believe my #1 son is going to be a graduate. He was just a little boy....like yesterday right?

TTFN





rambling on and on and on

CRAFT CORNER-

Happy Sunday. I just had to post the new CTMH promo running in June. I LOVE the acrylic stamp sets and when it's FREE I just love it even more. Buy 2 get 1 free. I have not been very pro-active about my CTMH business. (ok truth be told I haven't sold a thing in months, I haven't even kept my quota up for over a year and currently stand as a jr consultant...) Anyways...I have always loved being a part of the CTMH team and spent all of last evening with my bestie upline Sandy doing scrapbooking pages. Thing is...I have been so out of the loop (my fault totally) I missed last months promo and she just happened to have one on hand so I spent the entire evening using one paper pack and it made me get motivated to, if nothing else place an order myself and tell my small followers about THIS months promo. So here it is, and I am going to place an order for myself today too. Hoping to be more on this as the summer progresses.
 Still been committed to scraping my life weekly. I am right up to the last day. This is pretty impressive for me, right now it seems kindof silly especially when I have a DULL week, but someday when I am wracking my brain about the time when and how old was....I can simply look at my book and ta-duh there is the answer.
Still need to do some scrambling on making cards for #1 Son's graduation.

SAVINGS-



 Every other week I try and hit the grocery store and have been happy to make claim that I am hitting my mim. $150- limit or below. I cannot say that we do not eat out a few times a week sometimes and yes we do make small runs throughout the week, but for about two months now, I have been committed to a $300- grocery bill per month. I have been a CRAZY nut about cutting coupons, following theses coupon blogs and just recently found that I can print coupons off the computer too. Each trip I seem to be getting better at it. Last trip I saved $112.00 after coupons and instore savings.  I was under my $150- (total bill was roughly $122.00). I really should get some kind of system to put that savings somewhere (maybe for my next grocery trip) and start regulating what my family spends on meals out, little stops for the extras during the week, nonsence buys (like those God awfully delicious little Debbie cakes and garbage my hubby buys...and to make it worse he never uses a coupon) as well as plan a menu and stick with it. I am getting there...one thing at a time.

WELLBEING-







So far, I am failing in this department of my life. Any previous blogs note that I have not always been so good at taking care of myself...at least physically. I made one small step today and had whole grain toast this morning instead of hitting up a dougnut or a requesting my traditional Sunday morning baliy. Was thinking of a bike ride this afternoon...but it's raining, maybe the sun will peek it's head out and later I can still do that. If not we still do have that YMCA membership!!!!! DUH!
                                                                            

MY BUSY LIFE-

Yesterday we had a great time at the Chittenago Oz FEST. (I added some pic.) One thing that I can say about CNY is that there are always lots of local things going on during the weekend and the OZ fest (first visited last spring) was the idea of the day. The boys had a ball playing the games, riding the rides, then watching the parade. The characters were GREAT. We just happened upon the whole group of characters as they were heading to the start of the parade and got some pictures taken with them. I had the ballerina munchkin help me chase down the hubby for a picture and the scarecrow announced that he needed one with him too because they looked alike...LOL

Yeah!!! I guess they could be twins.....LOL!!!!! After the parade and Festival, I packed up my scrapping stuff and headed to Sandy's for pulled pork sandwiches, coleslaw, Popsicles and SCRAPBOOKING. I told the family I wouldn't be to late.....HA HA it was nearly 11 when I got home. I so enjoyed this last minute girls evening of being creative Lara joined us as well and I was happy to say I actually got several of my last year pictures done in three layouts! The boys must have had fun at home because Hubby was passed out.... Karate Kid and Little Man had a mess everywhere all the lights were on in the house and they were playing the x-box surrounded by a 15 box container of taco bell wrappers, and Pepsi cans. I would have to admit if I was a 9 and 13 yr old boy this would be nothing short of heaven. They are all off at a local play place right now called the Spinning Wheel to do some rock wall climbing, some bounce house jumping, golf ball hitting and whatever else they can get themselves into. For me the rest of the day will be finishing up the Sunday paper, ( I am going straight to HELL, I missed church again), adding some finishing touches to my layouts, perhaps some much needed cleaning, maybe a little painting in my bedroom is in order, some Girl with Tattoo reading, maybe a bike ride or a swim at the Y, and for the evening conclusion watching the MTV movie awards..........In addition to all that I must get myself in GEAR for this week is gonna be BUSY!

OH DO I SUCK! Gotta get those EXCUSES out of the way.

It's been a long week, even with the Holiday......and even with not a whole lots to do. Like most times I give myself a start date and plan of action, something always seems to come up (Yes, I am blaming not RE- starting a better eating and exercise plan, avoiding all screens and oh yeah forget the nicotine issue on this) THE LAWS OF NATURE/SYNERGY/KARMA what-ever......(I said this was an Excuse) SOMETHING always seems to get in the way, and his week it was a sick child. Nothing makes eating and exercise more difficult then being STUCK at home surrounded by temptations and not an exercise bike in sight! Not to mention...when is the best time to be lazy watching tv and spending hours on the computer stalking then when your quarantined to the house and you've got a sick child to cuddle with.  With the Normal routine out of whack trying to incorporate a better more healthy routine just seemed impossible. (AGAIN...I know this is an excuse). Of Course I could have ran to the gym when hubby came home early Thursday afternoon instead of making a break away to do the bi-weekly grocery shopping....(although I did have a May 31st deadline on several coupons in my stack). And....I did go to work myself on Friday and I could just have easily packed a healthy lunch and made a bee line to the gym on Friday after work...hubby was home with mentioned sick kid...could have even taken the Princess with me after I picked her up....There WAS no immediacy for me to get home....well, actually 2 secs after the Princess got into the van she needed to get home ASAP to go to a friends camp for the weekend. There goes that idea. Once HOME, it's almost impossible to get me back out the door. As far as avoiding the screens.....I have stalked more blogs, fb's, coupon hunting, pintrest exploring, you-tubed my future vacations, watched a BBC documentary on the sunning of the Amish, caught two Disney movies, two Redbox movies, three episodes of the Real Housewife's, and a two hour special on REAL LIVE MERMAIDS. ( That is just what I can remember). Not once this week of no work til Friday, did I scrapbook, read my Dragon Tattoo, take a walk or ride my bike, clean the house, paint my bed room, which I started over a month ago, vacuum the pool, pick up the yard, walk the dog....watch what I ate, NO! not a single solitary productive thing. OH DO I SUCK!!!!!

These BAD BAD BAD habits!!!!

Well it's Memorial Day weekend, and as much as I love the warm summer months approaching, I am not excited to have to start wearing the clothing expected for this season....meaning bathing suits, shorts, t-tops.....The kind of clothing where you cannot get away with baggy pants, big bulky sweats and long sweaters or blazers to cover the mounds of white flesh beneath. Not to mention that I cannot seem to move as agile as I would like and my skin is so ghostly white I might be mistaken for a zombie. DISGUSTING!!!! If I haven't said it before...I am saying it again....TIME to LOOSE some WEIGHT! No LONGER is weight loss a beauty thing.....but I am quite sure if I ever bring myself to get my FAT ass to the Dr. it would most certainly be a MUCH needed health thing. I am sure that he would say sternly.....YOU HAVE GOT TO LOOSE SOME WEIGHT!!!! My weight has gotten so out of control that I struggle to do simple things like cleaning, walking, moving, even sitting has become uncomfortable. I have so much to do, there are about a million projects needing to be addressed in this house and the whole thought of moving around to do it makes me stress. I have a few other vices that need attention as well. My addiction to screens....no not the ones found in windows that would just be weird. But the tv screens, the computer screens, the video game screens (i can't play, but I have no problems sitting for hours watching the rest of my family play), even my new found love; my phone screen. If it means I can just sit, use just my fingers ONLY,  mindlessly dragging out my day.....I seem to be attracted to it. I will find myself on this computer at least five times a day...removing myself to do a small task like load the dishes, do some shopping or of course eat; although I can do both eating and playing on the computer at the same time. To find myself sitting HERE again playing the one millionth game of Jungle Jewels or taking care of my kingdom, FB stalking, checking in on The Real House Wife's.....catching a quick glimpse on pinterest and of course searching blogs. Every morning the routine is the same:get up, brush the teeth, have a cigarette (YES another BIG vice) grab a cup of coffee (at least I do not use cream and sugar) and head for the computer. FB is usually already on as my Hubby is also a victim of SCREEN ADDICTION. If I'm not on the computer I can usually be found watching some incredibly dumb reality show about  girls who cant find dates, evil brides to be, crazy mothers who want their child to be the best pageant contestant or number one dancer, beautiful women with rich husbands that need to air their dirty laundry, or some other amazingly waste of my time on tv. You have already heard vice #3. Good old NICOTINE addiction. This has NO excuses, (not that the other two do either) but the disgusting, expensive, down right YUCKY addiction to voluntarily inhaling pollutants into my lungs is just about the stupidest thing ever. Of course I have excuse after excuse....my father never loved me, I had a difficult upbringing, I lack self confidence, EVERYone else is doing it,  it's just to stressful, I'd quit if my family was more stable, I had a better job, more money, more time, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! ( I really could go on with the excuses, I really really could.) Enough! These BAD BAD BAD habits have got to STOP!!!! It is time to take the bull by the horns and make the bad habits be gone. So I am going to start now.....right after I eat some JUNK, check on my computer Kingdom, and smoke this last cigarette.

I wish I could say that I'm in one of those "good" places this morning, BUT I'm not.  I'm not sure what is going on, but I am finding it difficult to be "HAPPY" today. Agonizing over going to work today. I volunteered to cover another members group, I'm super behind already and I just plain am over it all. I dont have any ideas about what my group is gonna do today, and I don't feel like thinking about it. Hubby has been cold all week. Princess is having "boyfriend" problems, still waiting to hear about my license, and have not received the paperwork for the FAF. Should I go on......I'm sick of being fat, sick of feeling unhealthy, sick of the financial demands of my life, sick sick sick. I typically will either act on this and be like a CRAZY woman either obsessing over everything that is going wrong or I avoid it all like the plaque. I have never been good with that whole balance thing. just gonna sit with this for a bit and see what happens.

This is what the baby robins look like one week later. WOW!!! They grow so quick.

 The baby Birds.

WOW the weekend was BUSY and I realize that I can't "hang" like I used to. Girls night was great. As always we enjoyed each others company. I ate WAY to much and perhaps still paying for it three days later. My stomach has not been the same since. I finnished the book 50 Shades of Grey, and although it ended with a big "Now you Have to read book #2" I really have no burning desire to do that. Honestly there was really WAY to much sex in the book and it took a whole 400+ pages for me to get to the answer only to be left hanging for book #2.....I'm disappointed actually.....oh who am I fooling? I'll be reading the next one soon enough. Tripple coupons paid off and I saved $107- on my grocery bill. Horray for me. Disappointed, Price Choppper used to grant 10 cents off a gallon of gas for every $50- you spent, now it's $100- at total...so I only save a dime. Still $107 savings is $107 savings. Hubby filled thegas tank for me so i actually saved $64- (heck with my dine off). Saturday we got the pool from green to blue....Horray again. It's still cloudy and my hubby's pump fix has left that machine making some serious noise...but it's working. Firmed up summer vacation and at this point, we have a place to sleep every night. Now we just need the park tickets and to pack. Save about $100- after some research and using the hubbies PEF discount. Saturday evening was spent with old friends and fun. I was out past 2am...shame on me. By Sunday I was under recoup mode, and enjoyed a lazy day of paper reading, naping and watching the tube. I deep cleaned yesterday enjoyed dinner with the kids and my mom, and here we are...back to work. OH MY!!!! My stomach is stll bothering me, thought about calling in....honestly I am still not feeling as well as I should, but I have too much to do. Guess it's a good thing the bathrooms are directly accross from my office. This be my life. Have not yet heard from the IRS for my son's FA, nor have I heard about my licensure application. Hopefully I will have an answer today. Well it's time to get moving....Have a GREAT Tuesday. Here is a shot of my rent free renters. The robin babies.

I really have very little to write about today. Delayed my morning by doing my bi- weekly coupon building for shopping on Sat. Have to many things going on this weekend. Thrilled that the Price Chopper has trippled coupons....I should save a ton. paying off the summer vacation and I have absolutely got to get my registration and funds into the Reunion or my friend Ms. Mary will kill me. Had scheduled a Partylite party for last night. Did have a handful of friends interested who couldn't seem to make it. Decided to CA, then decided to do it anyways. Two dear Friends joined me and I just may be able to get either FREE or deep discounted items. I have my heart set on two tower lanterns. Although the two together cost $180- so if no sales no towers for me. So money has been accounted for the week. That extra four hours I did last week really bumped up my pay...well no so much but it sure looked nice. When your expecting one thing as you do every week and even when it's only by a few dollars once it hits the next degree digit in the 100's it simply looks nice. If I havent mentioned it....I got 50 Shades of Grey for mothers day...from hubby of course not the kids. Almost done and can I just say, even I blushed at this book and I am far from prude in the sexual department. Anyways i am almost done and need to pass it to others who need a little spice in the bedroom department...or at least so they can join in at the h2O cooler at work. TTFN, It's Ladies night tonight and I am psyched. Just five little hours and the work week will be done and then "WHOOO LEETTT THHHE DOOOGGSS OUT?"

WHAT is this All about? I think I got it.

 Yesterday I attended an in service or a training because most people look at me like what? when I say in service....so I was at a training yesterday. I have already learned most stuff in this field because I've been around so stinking long...AND because I think I know it all...but I learned quite a bit and really enjoyed the topic. Surprised...yes! The thing I didn't like about the "training" was my own inner jealousy/anger and downright NEED to Show off! I'm in this room with all these people fairly new to the field just starting out....AND I CANNOT CONTROL my feelings of WHAT the HELL am I doing HERE. I had this overwhelming NEED to make sure EVERYONE, including the trainer KNOW.....that I KNEW something...In FACT I know EVERYTHING. I was answering every question, controlling the break out groups and probably looked downright conceded. I really don't know WHAT came over me. I was even jealous of the woman who reported that she was trying to get into the field and begin working on her License. I mean WHAT is that? I don't know where this SUPERIOR attitude came from...but after it made me just sick. There's this part of me who really really really feels that this job is somewhat below me...but then theres this part of me that really wants to shine and prove myself that I am the best at this and here is why. I have been looking at this position as a stepping stone to getting back to or towards my next professional goal, and this position is clearly only a part-time gig to help me get from point A to B. It is NOT a Career or an end all to my professional journey. If that is my mindset, then WHY the HELL would I be so in the NEED to puff out my chest and display my peacock feathers? The training in of itself was a pebble in the road to the next step. a. Being certified, I need to keep my credits up as I need to re-new every three years. So I was getting credits; it just so happened that it was a topic I enjoyed and the TRUTH is I did learn somethings. b. Because I was at the training later then my shift I got some extra hours in my pay. The fact that I enjoyed the topic and learned something was a complete bonus. I typically enjoy these trainings and look forward to attending them. I just cannot believe my behavior and reaction internally about the whole afternoon. The need to prove myself was so overwhelming.....look at me...hey hey you. Yes, I am an old lady who has been doing this for pretty much her entire adult life and LOOK I am right where I started 15 years ago....even worse I am doing it at a measly 20 hours a week and I SHOULD BE up there in front of  you all TEACHING you not being taught...OH the TRUTH COMES OUT!!!!! Truth be told I was not jealous of the girl trying to get her foot in the door (although on some level I am, because I was once that girl full of hope and excitement about this amazing career in the addiction field)...but of the trainer. AFTER 15 plus years and some heavy duty mental health experience, multiple spectrum of job tittles in the field I SHOULD BE on the other side of the table. Now the idea of being a trainer has crossed my mind several times and I have even explored this with agency who provide training specifically as well as presenting the thought to my current agency.....I just never followed up. It's amazing what revelations can be found when you simply type your mind. The real under lying issue here is I NEED to take control of my own damn life and stop projecting with my behaviors my own personal issues of being incomplete. If I really want to teach then I should, If I really do feel like this job is beneath me...then get a new job or bide my time till I can get what I need from this job and GET that dream job. STOP looking like some COCKY bitch that knows it all...truth is I really don't and start to PROVE that I know something by doing SOMETHING...not trying to show off in a training for whom? my own bruised EGO. WOW!!!! More to think about on this one, but I have my job calling and have to run.

Here and now...

I really need to simply trust in the powers that be. When I think of all the million and one things that I FREAK about...and they fall into place, it makes me believe that somehow someway things always seem to work themselves out. No this is certainly not the end to my obsessing, but maybe it can at least bring my over worked brain into some (just a little) calm. After my yuck feelings yesterday, I did end up with a fairly satisfying day. Work went smooth, enjoyed a little of my new book after work, got things together for the theater, enjoyed a nice evening with my good friend Mary and a show. (last one of the series...just couldn't bring myself to pay for yet another year despite the enjoyment.) Came home and the pool pump was on and working. Chalk one up to the AMAZING hubby. (still some kinks to iron out because it makes way to much noise). Stepped on the scale this am and I am down two pounds from yesterday. I can't imagine why after all I had Micky D's for dinner and an ice cream while strolling down town. Only thing I can think of is that I was walking and perhaps that was just enough to burn off whatever I had ate. Pay day is tomorrow and I can happily say that I still have some money in the bank, and not just a couple of bucks either. Hubby reports that he has also ordered an IRS return for the financial aid stuff, and I have completed the additional needed paperwork. No demands today....hooray! I do have to work late this afternoon, but that is money in my pocket and credits to my certification so it's no big deal, after that it is a NON-hurry up and get somewhere, do something evening. I can perhaps ride my new bike that I have only had the opportunity to do twice since I got it. I can peacefully enjoy my new book, and perhaps if we are lucky a little alone time with the man I love. Life can be simple, I can allow myself to "let go" and I can enjoy the moments as they present themselves. If I simply trust in the powers above and accept that I am where I am suppose to be today then somehow it will all be just as it is meant to be. Relishing in the here in now today, embracing in the trust that this too will be exactly what I need in this moment.

Feeling Yucky and Slugish today. Could have slept longer....coffee just isn't doing it for me. Feeling a little disgusted with myself, and just plain old dont have it in me to do what I need to do. Accomplished everything on my short list for yesterday...which usually brings me joy....but nothing was completed despite my efforts. I find that I have all this inspiration to GET it done, then when the event, item, chore, demand is sitting in front of me...it all seems like a mountain much to tall to climb. yesterday I had it all in my head that I was ABSOLUTELY under no excuses was I going to stray from my once again announced plan to loose weight...I set out well, went to the gym, did what I needed to do that morning, called on the FA for my son, called the IRS too. Called the pool place for some ideas on my pump, did a little cleaning and when there was NO resolution with any of my needs mentioned above, (I'm still at a loss with the FA, I'm not sure if the IRS is sending a transcript because the call was not so clear, the pool place pretty much said I'm gonna have to buy a new pump for $426-, and my cleaning effforts ended shortly after I got frusterated with the IRS call) I found myself sitting fat ass on the couch watching TV I dont care about and shoveling food down my throat. Not that I was expecting the scales to inch down this morning I did take a peek and really wanted to ralph!!! We have our last theater tickets tonight and there is some event at little man's school, hubby just informed me that there is also a concert in the area where the theater is which will make parking a bitch and suddenly I am not interested in going at all and just want to come home from work stuff my face and call it a night. This whole week is busy. I am hosting a candle party on Thursday, at first I was excited and some friends I havent seen for a while might attend, now I am dreading the evening....and just want to call the whole thing off. It just seems like for someone with so much time...I dont have any. I cant seem to wrap myself around all that needs to be done and why I cannot stay on task long enough to accomplish what needs to be done. Well....gonna try day #2 of weight loss, gonna plan to leave extra early for the theater so I dont have to deal with the traffic, unsure if we will make it to Little Mans school this afternoon, and hoping that the day just goes smooth. Kids are struggling to get moving already....guessing thats a sign that the day will definately NOT be smooth sailing.

OH My!!!! I can actually get back on here. I was out of the blog world for like over a month. I figured I just would never be able to blog again and took a try today and lookie lookie! It has been so long I really have so much to catch up on or I have nothing to say at all. I am not liking this new design and it took me a good 15 minutes to figure out just how to post. Quick Quick.....any big new NEWS???? Pool pump  has died. We do not have another $400- to replace right now....pool looks like a NASTY pond no animals or lilly pads just yet....but we gotta do something soon. I have submitted my licensure application...which in part is why we don't have an extra $400- right now. I am not allowing my part time JOB not my career or my LIFE get me crazy and poof! Once I let that go....things have been so much better with that place. I have been obsessing about my son's college finances. Nothing has been more anxiety provoking then doing FA for your college bound first child. What a headache. Crossing fingers that this will proceed nicely. Mother's day was so nice....my hubby got me the "classey" porn book- 50 Shades of Grey.... Even I am BLUSHING. Kids did their normal hi mom happy mother's day now can I have some money. Just kidding. Nick and My mom have been busy doing landscaping and it looks amazing. I have totally been so proud of my BUDGET shopping and make a full list of must haves, I wants and we needs- Only thing that was not crossed off on the list was "Grey" and as I mentioned Hubby go that. I finally got a new cell-phone. It's an android phone and has all the bells and whistles.....One place wanted $179.99 I got mine for $100- minus the $20- gift card I found jamed in my wallet. I also got my bike, a new air mattress for the BIG vacation in June, and NO...it's not a gazaboo...but a pop up canopy. Friend down the street got a nice one...I'm calling her bitch until I get one of my own....but then the pump died and since I dont think she's a bitch and it's going to be like forever before I have the funds for that I guess I'll start calling her by her name again. WHAT ELSE???? Oh I am so sure that there has been so many more things that I have missed, but for now I am just happy to be able to access my blog again! Oh Happy Day.

April 9, 2012

Plans for the day include possibly a trip to the driving range....hubby ran out for a quick few things (QUICK .....yeah right) about 45 minutes ago. Just where does he go when he runs these little joints? Must have a mistress....LOL. Anyways, we have to head back to good old CNY at some point today, so we will see how things unfold. Got a ton of packing to do....it's amazing how much mess we make in just three days....weather is not cooperating with us...lots of wind and cooler temps. Just have to see how things go. TTFN

EASTER 2012

well....Happy Easter everybody!!! It has been a very nice day. Got up early enough to help the bunny hide (more like fling plastic easter eggs across the grass) so that LM could do a search. No competition as it's just us this weekend made the hunt slow moving. He has more candy now then anyone can ever eat. Breakfast at Sutton's. Enjoyed family had a nice meal, took a drive to visit my hubby's neighborhood growing up and went to Lake George for video games. LM got so many tickets he brought home a stash of junk. Played a little golf...yes that's right. I am not a golfer, but we did some practice shots in the yard. Looks like we may hit the driving range tomorrow morning before heading homeward and possibly Saratoga. Deciding if we really need to have one more meal today as we had dinner at 1pm, I know I really don't need it, but I don't want to be starving at 9pm either. Watching the end of the Masters, and want to get ready for the Sunday night tv line up, Amazing Race between commercials and Once Upon a time, The Celebrity Apprentice and bed. Well were off.

April 7, 2012

computer is down....we are at my hubby's mothers house in Lake George. LM and I took a 1.5 hour drive north to look at waterfalls, and we also went to Lake Placid. Beautiful, but I was a little disappointed. We went to Ausable Chasm, and due to the season we only had the choice of the 5 mile hike, with no return bus or raft ride at $16- or the 15-20 walk around the falls and a look at a rock that resembles an elephant for $5 a person. Spent $20 in gas, another $20- for lunch in Lake Placid, and $10- for the 20 minute walk, that we could have looked at on the public bridge for free. feeling a bit taken advantage of, especially since there are 1000's of FREE nature trails that we could have walk on. By the time we got to Lake Placid LM was done with the whole trip, and had no interest in looking at the Olympic activities, shops, or even taking a bobsled ride. We hit a diner in the village that was high priced, dirty and really not very good. Guess I was hoping for something amazing. It was still fun just to get away. Nice dinner this evening, and we got the Easter bunny coming tomorrow morning, maybe the village of Lake George and Big Easter dinner tomorrow night. Maybe I can convince the family to hit Saratoga or perhaps Howe's caverns on the way home on Monday. Still need something to fill up my weekend before we head home. Tension here with LM and Bubbe.....trying to just sneak away from it all. Seems everyone just needs to go to sleep early. I can finally give myself some walk miles for the Walgreens walk. I just don't know how many steps I took....it didn't seem like much, especially for paying $10- and driving 1.5 hours. (by the way gas prices up this way are $4.29 a gallon....I almost fell the freak over.) Hopefully when I get home I can get on my computer and post some beautiful Adirondack pictures..... because I do have to mention, despite the negatives.....them mountains, lakes and creeks are simply AMAZING! Next trip north of Lake George, we gotta climb (take the car) up to the top of Whiteface, trail into the free woods, some white h2o rafting, tubing and dip our feet into the cool creeks that run into Lake Champlain. AND did I mention, that the original plan was to drive to Vermont and have Ben and Jerry's ice cream...it was decided as a no after I found it would be a 2 hour drive....I drove over two hours anyways between the gorge and Lake Placid. Oh well. Next time. till tomorrow then!

April 4th 2012

LM's picture of himself at his desk, on tv for his presentation of the comercials and working the school store. Below is the FREE walk with Wegman's kit. (Still haven't taken a walk since I got the thing an signed up...better get going)

Yesterday's work was actually worse then I could imagine. Feeling trapped. I already knew that I had too many people on my case load, but somehow I made it work and have been busy trying to get people out of my group, but yesterday when all but two people showed up for group and we (as we always are and have always been) are in the smallest group room in the building. It was so cramped, we were down four chairs, and it was so claustrophobic I finally just said...you know what, go home. What a nightmare. How can I work like this and how can you expect the client to be relaxed enough to do what they need to do when they can't even sit down? Road Blocks on moving people along. Issues that need to be addressed, individuals that need to be done, treatment plans and phone calls, follow up's, clean up files, make sure they do what they need to do, urine screens, and right now I don't even know everyone name. It's crazy!!!! So I am not looking forward to today. Keeping my group closed for a while.....anyways, the rest of the day was okay. Bought some groceries, caught up on one of the True Blood episodes before LM got home from school, not doing well with diet and exercise, went to Open House at LM's school, and after all was said and done...I was whipped and pretty much fell out to sleep. after figuring numbers in my head and not wanting to disappoint...we have compromised on vacation, and plan on tenting it...it will save me $200-. We have a great tent (it's bigger then some RV's) , I have a comfortable air mattress (actually more comfortable then those 1 layer mattress's they have in those cabins)....only down fall is no fridge/microwave. The cabin I was going to get didn't have a bathroom in it anyways, so were not loosing a bathroom. $200- saved, a better bed. No micro and no fridge, but we always bring the TV, a big extention-cord and I cook on the skillet. Just need extra ice for the cooler. We still get the water park, the pool, the go-carts, the paint ball/laser tag, gem mining, fishing, canoes, mini golf, hay rides, giant bounce pillow, ice cream socials, themed week (the week we go is Wet and Wild), camp ground activities and of course Yogi Bear. Still wish we had an RV it would make trips so much easier (someday....). anyways we still get to go and I save $200- for lodging. BAM!!!! Once the week is over we'll head to Hershey and actually stay in a hotel...we need some luxury after all. I think it's a great compromise, and not only does this change the vacation a bit, but it forces me to purchase a pop-up gazebo (which is what I have used in our back yard for the last several years anyways) So....I will not be needin that $200+ gazebo if were going to need a pop up for camping anyways, so I might as well go purchase the $60- one I saw at the freight place. looks like I might be saving over $300-. So far so good. Hubby is doing our taxes today, that always get me nervous because part of our poverty problem is a direct result of our past taxes....I wont go there today. Cross your fingers that we do not owe....we should be good....but I thought we were before. Counting down the days of this week, were off to Lake George on Friday...so need to get away.....so thinking weekend weekend weekend......

April 3d, 2012

It's once again my Monday.....I dont know why I make my job out to be such a terrible experience, but every day before work I find myself "making a big deal" about having to go. It's kindof like going to the dentist....you imagine it's gonna be terrible and once it's all over your like okay it sucked but it's done...and it was most certainly less of a terror then I thought it would be. Yesterday was quite the adventure. I made it to Zumba Aquatics (yeah me!!!). Not so sure it was much of a work out, but it was sure better then sittin around here all morning. After Zumba I ran to the local used bookstore and purchased The girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I don't have a kindle, and although the library might be a better (cheep, actually free) option to books, I usually accidentally let the book date return lapse, and my kids are forever loosing the book...so it ends up costing me just as much if not more. So I purchased the book for $4-, headed to the Thrifty Store as I had about 45 minutes before I was to pick up the Princess. I found a bag of blue plastic pacifiers, an Easter basket, grass, and a brand new activities coloring kit all for $5-. ( Thinking I could make cupcakes and add the pacifiers to the tops for my friend whose having a baby boy in September). Feeling pretty confident about my spending at that point. About $10- out of my pocket...off I go to get Princess. Returning home, we had some time before the Eye DR. I searched for the Walgreens walk promotion and entered to walk, I also signed the LM up for two of the Lowes Build As You Grow events and then on to Walgreens and the eye Dr. Princess and I hit up Walgreen's for our FREE walk with Walgreen's boxes, and I purchased a dog color for the Peanut. ($5-). The Walgreens box has the celebrity apprentice winners on it and it includes a pedometer and a string bag. The website offers suggestions, motivators, and chats to help you get moving. Fun...I always LOVE FREE, and we needed a dog coller cauz the Nut's doesn't fit anymore. (I think it might have been a kitty cat coller in the first place). Deciding if I'm gonna make an effort to walk I might as well bring the dog, so better have a coller right. Feeling pretty proud of my now only $15- spending spree we head to the eye Dr. Now, before I tell you the clincher I was informed that all services and fee's would be covered by the Insurance. I knew that there would be only a small selection of frames that were covered, and I was prepared for accepting that. Anyways, after finding that my eyes are not to bad, neither are the princess's I do have a slight stigmatism and some issues with reading...so the verdict is transitional lenses. The princess would benefit with some glasses to help her with classroom reading on the board. Nothing to bad. This should be easy. I go to pick out the free frames and The Princess has already been informed that her glasses with the len's and using insurance will be $90- and I haven't even started to search out a pair for me. WAIT A MINUTE.....Okay so we work our way out of that ....we do not need a special lite weight, scratch resistant, glass on The Princess's pair no way no how, especially since she will more than likly loose them....I bent on the frames (not covered free on the insurance) and paid $15- for a name brand with faux diamonds on the side. On to mine.....even with the free frames I could not get the len's I needed (transitional) without the added finances and so my glasses that I really could have done without (this is coming from the eye doc.) ended up costing $56-. So she run's my card and (heres where they play that wawa music when someone makes a mistake on a game show) No funds. At this point I just want to run out of and leave the whole thing on the counter. Ended up writing a check and spending $70- more then I wanted to or anticipated. Not happy about that. I could have used that $70 towards all kinds of things...my fridge is empty right now, I have a bike on layaway, still wanting a gazebo, putting funds down on the vacation, I need a cell phone......I most certainly would not have gone and did the eye thing if I had any idea it would cost me money. The drama continues as the rest of the day unfolds, but it is already about time to go...so I will have to follow up tomorrow.

April 2nd 2012

Weekend over....Monday here and time to get back on track. I am packed and ready to hit the gym for a little Aquatic Zumba. I have not been very "good" about the whole weight loss situation this weekend, and time to put it into overdrive. After Aquatics, I'm off to get my eyes checked. It's been years since I wore my glasses ( I haven't seen them in at least five years maybe more). Our insurance changed and has finally gone back to the old rules, so now getting my eyes checked and new glasses makes sense. ITS FREE!!!! (well sort of, there gonna take the money from his check regardless if we get our eyes done or not, so I might as well do it.) Taking Princess too, she also had glasses several years ago. Hubby is convinced that these glasses will land in some abyss just like the dozen or so sun glasses I seem to loose each year. Gonna try to be better with these. Weekend was lazy. Sunday I enjoyed the newspaper, lallygagged on the computer, made a cake; (even after cake class, I still suck at this cake thing). Hit the 50% off coupons for both AC Moores and used another AC Moore 50% off coupon at JoAnnes. Got myself some adhesive, a box of fifty premade cards with envelopes for $5-, a few more Easter decorations; I really really really wanted to go wild in the spring section of Joanne's but at only 40% off I had to restrain myself. I just love the little gnomes and they had so super cute figurines and decorations. Yes 40% is nice, but I gotta pay for a bike, put a deposit down on vacation, would really like to have a new cell phone, and I'm still wanting my Gazabo......Guess those gnomes will have to wait til the Fall clearence. LOL! I put the gnomes down, and picked up a 50% off Easter Egg dye kit and decided that the boys would enjoy coloring eggs instead of looking at my Gnomes this summer. Egg kit for $1.35, some cute Easter Decorations, and candles for the Birthday cake. I missed crossing my T on the birthday so it was Happy Birlhday...OPPPS! Tasted just as good. Boys dyed Easter Egg's since no one will be around on Easter...including me. My Step-son is going to Florida with his Mother on Thursday, My eldest will be busy next week with testing for college exams, Princess will surly be busy socializing...so that leaves, little man, Hubby and myself. No Easter Egg hunt in the back yard this year. Bummer....since the older two have long grown out of this tradition, and without the competition from his 1/2 brother, LM is not interested in hunting eggs this year. Were going to Lake George. I'm pushing for a quick Vermont trip to Ben and Jerry's (what could be better then chocolate bunnies at Easter...some YUMMY YUMMY Ice Cream...duh!) Hubby says...there's a horse race that weekend he has to watch....what...really. We'll just have to see what the weekend brings. Had a nice dinner and cake for the eldest. Watched Once Upon a Time, The Apprentice ( You GO, Arcenio!!!) and sound asleep. Just heard the neighbor scraping off the windshield.....tell me there is no FROST....really now. Yep there it is. Off to retrieve my scrapper, I am pretty sure I buried that thing somewhere in the garage with the snow shovels, winter hats, and gloves. Only in CNY can it be in the 80's one day and snow falling the next.

April Fools Day 2012

Here are my Easter Decorations.

So yesterday wasn't a total waste I did several layouts using up alot of my stash..would have kept on going but I ran out of adhesive (first rule of stamp club...never run out of adhesive) This layout was done by Sandy Van Norstand from consultant club.

Sandy's layout. Gonna hit up the coupons and see about getting myself some more adhesive. I am on a roll with the layouts. Got a cake to make, bake and decorate for my Big boy's 19th birthday today. I'm still struggling with accepting the fact that I am a mother to a 19 year old. Just when did that happen? time sure flys. Paper reading, coupon clipping, a little shopping, baking and a little party for the big guy. Busy day I guess. till then. Happy fools day!!!!

March 31st-

I am taking this from It's Just me, Drazil and Sheniqua's blog BYOC (bring your own crazy)- I tried to figure out how to link with this, but I am a computer moron. But here is what I got.

1. Do I believe in God? Absolutely! I was brought up by a hippy loven care-free momma who brought me to a Unitarian Society, I was never baptised as a child so when my 1st born was to be baptised and I couldn't attend because I hadn't been baptised...I got baptised with him; Russian Orthodox, I brought my elder children to that same Unitarian Society, married a "no longer" Jewish man, left the society when the pastor passed away and I began to feel the need for some spiritual guidance (lacking at the Unitarian (church). I tried several Church's, tended to favor Baptist. Today, I believe in God, I do not quite understand fully his wonder and I am not as committed to learning and believing as I would like to be. I still have questions. I do believe that there has to be someone; whom I choose to believe is God take has guided me on my path of life.

If considered socially acceptable would I stop shaving/waxing? In a heart beat, I hate shaving. But I think after awhile, when I start to look like a gorilla, I'd start shaving anyway.

How often do I weigh myself? Almost daily, gotta be naked preferably after using the toilet!( All ounces count).

When was the last time I admitted I was wrong? I don't struggle with this one, except when it is a stand off with the hubby. I'll admit when I'm wrong.....when or IF that ever happens.

How was my week? Well, if you've read any of my previous posts you'll know....It wasn't that great except for Monday...and I wasn't working. Now I'm wishing I won the mega millions and that the boys (including hubby) wanted to do anything but play x-box and watch TV....why does the weather have to be so cold? I was really looking forward to taking a hike or something today outdoors. took the dog for a walk and realized that the sun peeking out is only a smoke screen, It's really chilly....Maybe I will do some crafting. My girlfriend sent out graduation announcements for her son and paid some outrageous amount for the invites. Guess I could pull off my own and host a little gala for my big boys grad, maybe I'll do that. Maybe I'll host a game night this pm...so I'm not feeling TOTALLY sluggish, or maybe, just maybe I'll Nestle down with the hubby and watch The girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

March 30th, 2012

Found a few layouts that I don't think I have posted. Here we are at the SU football game this winter.

In just two days my first born will be 19 years old!!!! Just when did all that happen? I can't believe how fast time flies. My oldest has the had the blessing or the curse of being through the thick and the thin of my crazy/trying to figure this whole thing out adult life. He was there when I crossed the stage to receive my Baccalaureate degree. He was there through the problems with his father, he was there when we moved about a dozen times, he was there through my endless bad romances (ok, so minus his dad, there were only two). My first born was for a long time the man of my life, the only man that I really could count on and he was a little boy. I guess that is why he has become the amazing, introspective, creative, charming and empathic young adult he is today. Once I didn't think that he would make it to his 19th birthday...either I was gonna kill him or he was gonna make some bad decision. He didn't and I didn't and somehow he made it! I often complain about my kids, throw my hands up in the air, kneel down to pray for my kids, but I have always loved them and having my eldest hitting the ripe old age of 19! I feel proud to say that he is mine! Of course I am not proud to say I'm old enough to have a 19 year old!!! Happy just the same that he has made it through the tough times (although I know there will be more) and he has become a responsible young man. As for the rest of them, well...I guess I will keep praying, complaining, worring, and throwing my hand in the air.

Enough about my kids.....I have my own issues..work (no new answers with that), weight, (up three pounds....so much for my loosing 20 total by yesterday, back on track today), Money ( I haven't been discussing this topic unless it was on how I have saved it, in awhile....but it always seems to creep back in as a painful topic). Thinking I was doing well, I was shocked to find so little in my bank account....we've been in worst situations, I havent bounced a check and I am not overdrawn (YEAH!!!) I just thought I had more then I do. Needing to get my son a nice financial birthday gift, still haven't put the $ down for vacation, I was hoping for a little more wiggle room this week, so that I could do both. Doesn't look like it will happen. I have been in situations where I have absolutly NO money until next payday, which is not the case, but I certainly do not have enough to give healthy cash sum to my oldest and pay for vacation and have enough for the rest of the week until payday. Just to fill my gas tank is gonna cost me $50- and I need gas even with .70 cents off a gallon. We also need a few little things around here like milk, bread etc. When these things come up it makes me hate my job all the more...and think, maybe I should be working full time...then maybe I would have more in my account, but if I had to deal with that place for 40 hours a week I dont know what I'd do. I guess I just have to make things work....

so he'll get a cake and pizza, and then maybe later in the week I can give him a nice chunk of change. Still gotta put some $ down on the vacation or were definately not gonna go. I'd hate to see that happen.

march 29th, 2012

Just another day in Paradise as they say. Another yucky day at work!!! Hubby's solution "quit"! Thanks, but no thanks!!!! Trying hard not to hate hate hate my job. Keep wondering if it's me me me...that has the problem, or is what I am feeling universal at this place. I have been doing this kind of work most of my adult life....why is it now becoming so damn hard? Not only have I been doing this kind of work for what seems like an eternity, I have done all kinds of shifts, all kinds of groups, worked with several different agencies, been in multiple positions, juggled kids, school, gym, home, cleaning, having babies, 40 hours, 60 hours, per diem, three positions at once, three groups, individuals and mental health patients all at once.....why the heck is a 20 hour a week part time position giving me grief? I realize that the one thing that has been different over all of these jobs, is what made them work best for me was having my own authority. The comon theme about every position I have held is once someone has intruded upon my drive/direction tried to be my boss...I begin to hate it. Do I have a problem with authority? Looking back at most positions I have left, was because some boss/supervisor/ acting supervisor has always put me in a place where I just couldn't stand to be controlled. Many years ago I held this great position as a case manager, I did what needed to be done, came and went as I needed, had no over head, and once the company decided to give me a boss- I hated it and left. Took a position in a clinic where I had been for several years being quit successful. I changed to have better hours. Within weeks of dealing with my new boss, I was ready to go. Had an acting supervisor many years ago when I worked in a mental health house who would leave me what I would affectionatly call "hate" mail in my mail box with not only a list of instructions for the day, but a mile long bitch about what I was doing wrong...left there after about 1 month. Big issue was with my current company in a different department with my former supervisor...her micro-managing style had me so put off I went home crying/irritated/upset/hurt.....so upset I left there too. Now here I am back with the same company...hopful that it was just this perticular women, only to find that the micro-managing cotinues. I realize that there are things that need to be done, we have accountability, but I struggle with prioritizing. What in this is REALLY important, and if whats really important is how to please the governing bodies and dotting my i's crossing my t's and NOT the quality of care I am delivering to my patients...then I dont know if I want to continue doing this. So is it me and my disrespect for authority (at least those that throw their weight around) or is it a deeper sense of whats right for the people I serve? Maybe I am simply lazy, or maybe I have this inner "i'm better then you" sence of self that gets in my way? I dont know....but I have got to find a place in this world of work that fits for me. The search continues....maybe I need to get into an entirely new line of work......I dont have an answer.