Feb. 7th 2012

So My promice to blog on a regular basic has gone to the wayside, as most of my plans seem to do. I am home with a "sick" child today, and spent most of my free morning exploring pinterest and was routed to a few inspirational blogs. Which as the word would note...inspired me to get a move on!!! The blogs that had me hooked for most of this am were weight loss journey's and one by a women who is every bit as close to a real Mary Poppins as one can be and as in Mary Poppins- "perfect in every way" there was more envy in reading her blog then inspiration, so I placed my attention on the stories of two women who made their weight loss goal a reality. (I really should note their blogs on here and if I ever figure out how to make this blog more reader friendly I will). For now, I am just going to report that both of these women seem to make a decision for themselves and went for it. I am and feel I have been STUCK for so long that it has become who I am. Oh not that I dont try to get myself out of it; I've made my declaimer that this is it....I've made charts and lists and discussed the plans. I just never seem to take the action. This of course is in reference to my weight, but not just the pounds that continue to build upon my frame, but in most everything in my life. As it occurs there is almost always somthing that gets in the way. Not enough money, a sick child, an inconvenence, wait til Monday, after the Holidays, gotta work, don't have to work, kids are driving me insane, just didn't feel like it, that time of the month, its just to much work...the list goes on and on and on. I just seem to be paralyzed by taking the steps towards making any and all changes.
To start; I weigh somewhere in the kneck of 100 pounds more then when I married my hubby ten years ago. And I thought I was fat then.
For the last three years I have either been not working or working and hating everything about my job. The later is the more recent and everyone is tired of hearing me complain.
My house has more messes and problems then I know where to start. I take the time to start a project I never finnish, and I simply give up.
I had started the year with the intention of doing one art project a week, I have done about three in total.
I feel less and less engaged in my families life everyday, and more and more resentful of some of them as the day goes on.
I have great wonderful amazing friends, but get upset if they dont come around or call to invite me places, but I never seem to make that first call to invite them.
I avoid phone calls that I dont recognize the number (or more likley I do) because I dont want to deal with the bill collectors. I have tried a budget only to spend money at the local fast food place, because I am to lazy to make dinner.
I have submitted part of my licensure and spoke about returning to school for at least a year now.
I have also talked about teaching and needing to address the specific skills I need to present, but have not yet taken the steps to make this go into motion. (another idea that has been out there for at least a year).
I really need to get a physical, a mammy, my eyes checked, see a dentist and hit the gym. (All that have been put off for at least a year plus).
I have reported that I am going to make my CTMH business more successful and now I am pending D/C due ot lack of sales.
I put off, postpone, convenently forget, sleep through, avoid, dodge, and throw my hands up to almost everything in my life. This is no longer becoming a problem if....IT IS!