Tuesday, February 7, 2012

POOR Pathetic me-get REAL4REAL

Now that I have had my POOR little me session. I guess it is time to get REAL4REAL! Interestingly enough, I have never been one to just let life happen to me. There was once this woman who knew for sure who she was and if she wasn't sure she sure knew how she was gonna get there. That same women seems like a shadow of the person I have now become, but I can't let this be it. I refuse to report...this is as good as it gets!!! Funny how when I was identifying all the negative in my existance I could type on and on, but as I think about what it means to get real...I'm at a loss. When you feel like your life is so off it's course, just where do you begin to find a starting point? Well? Okay....you can only start where your at. Step 1, Dot to Dot, A to Z. Let me find my letter A. I guess my A would be DONT GET DISCOURAGED Life happens and there are going to be roadblocks. Like yesterday for example; I have Mondays off from work and I have been charting, reporting and planning to commit to the YMCA aquatics on Monday mornings for FOREVER. (I went once since my plan was started in September). There just always seems to be something that comes up. Yesterday was a bust for this as I had to get my car serviced atthe exact same time as the class. ROADBLOCK- Now instead of deciding Oh well, I guess I will start again next Monday (because there will most likley be another road block), I could have gone to a later class, ran the tread mill, or taken Zumba (after all that is when all of your friends go anyways). Instead I decided it was a bust sat at the dealership watching court tv and eating their nicely provided high cal. mufins, There will always be next Monday. Hasn't this been the theme of my existance for the last several years? STOP IT!!!! Time SLOWS for NO man, and all Ihave been doing is missing time/moments/memories/enjoyment/YEARS are passing by as I wait for next Monday to start LIVING!!!! B. LIVE IN THE NOW. ToDAy is all we are promiced! So yes, I am not in my routine today and I should be at work right now finninshing the 101th thing that really really really needs to be done yesterday. But all I have is today. Instead of being angry that I am missing time at work perhaps I need to be cuddling with my little guy watching cartoons, clearly being home has forced me to take a look at myself and maybe make a positive step. C. TAKE THE STEP. This could mean both literly and figeritivly. (spelling will always be not so good, dont see any changes going on in that direction). Steps in walking, steps in action/movement, RISK and steps in taking my life back!!! taking the STEPS in Risk should really be my A. because ultimately whats really holding me back from making any changes is that with change is RISK! And what goes with risk? FEAR! Isn't it fear that really prevents most of us from doing things different? Well, I think I'm gonna just sit and think about that one for a bit before I decide to make yet another list of the things that I need to do on my way to making action. I have made way to many lists. So I've got an A. Dont get discouraged. B. Live in the now. C. Take the Step. Theses seem to be some good starting points.

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