Wednesday, August 26, 2009

the end....

Today is my last day of my current job. It seems as if I have gone through many emotions up to this point...I mean no one wants to hear, your being laid off, and initially in traditionally Wendy fashion I freaked. I was an emotional bag of mush. I had planned and changed and considered and grabbed onto any future opportunities that I could think of. I was bitter and angry, scared and confused...thought about going back to school, thought about making those networking calls, considered just what i would be like as a stay at home mom again....make my CTMH business score big, take on a part time gig, go back to my past employers and beg....I really was so unsure. then when it sunk in I was concerned not about myself but my patients...how would they handle this where would they go....and then there was opportunity to stay on part time, that could have worked? All of this transpired over a three month period...and here I am at the final day....dare I say i feel some relief? some sence of closure? I guess it goes with all change. I recall the ending of even some of the worst relationships i've had, where the break was enevidable and yet once it was all said and done, there was that pain, that moment of oh how I will miss the dysfunction and even a momentary lapse of reason where you consider please please please take me back....I don't want this to end...and then it clicks and you push forwards it wasn't the relationship ending at all that pained you, it was the change itself. I would like to think that I could say, change is good...and it usually is....but even in the most reasonable choices of making that change...there is always doubt. that fear of the unknow is sometimes so powerful we stay stuck for as long as we can...and so it is here that I recognize that my job was like that dysfunctional relationship i had been waiting to get out of for at least a year, but to scared to take the jump. So I have been angry with my boss, quick to just stay low with the conversations, most certainly not myself, and I realize that this has been my way of breaking off the relationship and making the change because if i don't allow myself to harden...I may stay stuck. So here I am making the change and this is the end...bigger and better things come with change and I am ready for them.

3 comments:

Sharli said...

Um, Wendy, I don't know you well, I've just started reading your blog, but I must say that your post is really quite profound.

I totally agree that change is scary and we cope with it in sometimes unhealthy ways. Sounds like you're beginning to break through the games we play with ourselves in our head and begin to move forward.

There are lots of people wishing only the best for you. Count me as one.
Hugs.

Wendy's creative connection said...

Thanks so much for the support and kindness!!!!

Jessica said...

Hey Wendy I applaud you for working through all that stuff, all those emotions....now on to bigger and better things with a positive attitude! Good luck to you!

Also, I stopped by to thank you for becoming a follower of our Scrapping out LOUD! blog but just had to comment on that post. I hope you play along with some of our challenges sometime! :-D