Wednesday, August 11, 2010

is it.. that I can never be statisfied..right where I am?

Well, it has been awhile since I have posted anything and perhaps even longer that I have been awake at 4am to have the time to post anything. In May I was unemployed and feeling; shall we say...... useless in that capacity...and desperate to find employment...Now in August, fully employed, I am feeling the sour grapes of my unemployed poor me's as I daily question the DREAD of dragging myself off to a job, that has proven to lack the luster that called to me on those days with desperation in my eyes, the terms of acceptance to most anything dished out and the same pain of "uselessness" I was so determined to escape. Now I find myself longing the time to be creative, go to the gym, spend an entire day playing with the kids, getting healthy, etc. I kick myself, that I recall in those last few months of unemployed much time was spent...feeling sorry for myself, playing hours upon hours on facebook, looking hopelessly at the piles of laundry that should have been done or the weekly schedules planned weeks in advance to attend to a gym routine never to unfold....and I remember that I thought just finding a job would answer all of my prayers, that somehow I would again feel satisfied. Still unsatisfied....perhaps less depressed, but certainly not satisfied.... I it....that I can never be satisfied .....right where I am?

1 comment:

Papercraft Vixxen said...

I know just how you feel. :) It's amazing we cannot see the joy in where we are and are always looking to where we will be, should be or could be. I'm sure I could have written some of what you wrote, well from a slightly different perspective, LOL. I am unemployed every summer and then every school year I go back to an unsure schedule as a substitute, hoping each year that I will work more days to pay the bills, but wishing for more time to get stuff done, more time with my only daughter (who is now off to college -- a change I wasn't quite prepared to meet). What a catch 22. Wishing you the best!

CTMH Independent Consultant, PA