busy trying to get that CTMH umph!!!

So I came back from CTMH convention ready to GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Just as the last, I was out the gate in the lead and runnen fast!!! Had a plan...yep that is right...that was going to be me up on that stage next year in California....and I was absolutely going to WIN that trip to Hawaii. I was in the lead pushing up on the wire, spent the entire ride back from DC planning, developing in my mind, calculating the figures, jotting down sketches, planning party dates months in advance, ....the Ultimate plan, then once that pretty new gold and green bag hit the livingroom floor...the race was over. I looked around and NO I was not in first, I wasn't even a close 2nd.....there I was no longer in the RACE!!! So I am trying to get back in the running. Decided that although it would be nice to be on that CTMH stage, and who wouldn't want a trip to Hawaii, I need to stop doing this to myself. Although I'd like to think of myself as a Thoroughbred, breed with speed and expertise, I have to get real and admit that I do my worst when I set the bar to high. Now, that does not mean that I have no goals, I just need not shoot for the moon. So I have started a new approach....slow and steady wins the race...just ask the tortoise....for the hare lost the run. I have begun my race with initially getting my status from jr to consultant...yeah...now I am back in wit the big boys, and although I was discouraged that two big parties that we planned backed out...I did have one successful party, meet with my upline and developed a realistic plan, and look forward to my very first ever hostess party where I do not have one of my dear friends there to hold my hand. Ok...maybe look forward is not the right word....as I am terrified...but I am hopeful. So as I step into another chapter of my life...i will read slow, and consume the dialect pace myself and take each step in stride....perhaps maybe I still will be on that stage in California next summer.

is it.. that I can never be statisfied..right where I am?

Well, it has been awhile since I have posted anything and perhaps even longer that I have been awake at 4am to have the time to post anything. In May I was unemployed and feeling; shall we say...... useless in that capacity...and desperate to find employment...Now in August, fully employed, I am feeling the sour grapes of my unemployed poor me's as I daily question the DREAD of dragging myself off to a job, that has proven to lack the luster that called to me on those days with desperation in my eyes, the terms of acceptance to most anything dished out and the same pain of "uselessness" I was so determined to escape. Now I find myself longing the time to be creative, go to the gym, spend an entire day playing with the kids, getting healthy, etc. I kick myself, that I recall in those last few months of unemployed woes...how much time was spent...feeling sorry for myself, playing hours upon hours on facebook, looking hopelessly at the piles of laundry that should have been done or the weekly schedules planned weeks in advance to attend to a gym routine never to unfold....and I remember that I thought just finding a job would answer all of my prayers, that somehow I would again feel satisfied. Still unsatisfied....perhaps less depressed, but certainly not satisfied.... I wonder......is it....that I can never be satisfied .....right where I am?

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