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Posts moved

I have taken over a new blog called Wendy's trip log. I have no idea how to send friends to this new site, as my only entrance into it is through this blog site. So if anyone would like to follow me on my trips please look into this blog site instead. Wendy'striplog! hope you can get there.

november 1

Holiday over and back to normal. Well not the old normal, because that needs to change. It is all to evident that a change must be made as it is a new month and also the month of my birth, and I clearly am getting that itch. Each day I get closer to that change in my age status I am reminded of the wrinkles, the marks, the aches, the lost waist line and the greys. (although mine are more of a white then grey). But forgo the visual and physical signs that I am getting old, each birthday reminds me of what I haven't done and what I need to do. Ironic really, I often visualize what it will be like when I can retire, all the kids out of the house, just time for me and the hubby, maybe some much needed traveling. I even have hubby's retirement plans visual in my mind (of course he will never retire, he wouldn't know what to do with himself) so I got it all planned out for him. I envision finally being out of debt. being able to spend hours crafting, taking holidays to far away places. Maybe and I say this with no immediacy enjoying my grandchildren. Yet with the cannot wait for the days when, I know that I need to find a way to say I  stop and enjoy the now. I have always been a some day kind of a person. Someday when (insert here) then I can be happy. After all today days was once my someday....wasn't it? And poof no magic has happened. I would totally be having a terrible life if I had kept the idea that once I loss weight then.....because that someday has been longstanding, just take a look at the mile high pile of clothing I have in my closet price tags still attached just waiting for that someday when I can fit into them. It's sad really.....been spending so much time visualizing the days when, that somehow the days of now have slipped through my fingers. Gonna go think about that for a bit, get myself out the door for work and visit this blog later.  

Back for consistency....should I dare tell myself that I have made it to my blog for day two? Already done to bad. I thought about what I think I would like to write and decided that honestly who really reads this and have committed to writing this simply for myself. Not that I am being selfish and of course anyone who would like to view my blog has the prerogative to do so, but that I really think I need to have this space for me. The thing is, I am no one special, I have no great amazing hidden talent, I most definitely have no words of wisdom to share, I'm just me. I am instead; pretty average, lack in the talent department, and clearly short of wisdom. I am however, a soon to be 43 year old women who continues to yearn for something more then what I have allowed my 43 years to become. Now I am not going to get on some self pity poor me party, (I've already done that), there are after all, many things, (tons in fact) I do love about my life and if I think about them the whole idea that there is somehow something missing from my life seems absurd. I don't think I complain to much at least most people would be surprised to hear that I am lacking in the contentment department. I have a wonderful family an amazingly supportive husband, an abundance of  great friends, many hobbies, I am employed and as I noted yesterday, I only work 20 hrs a week, and got today off to enjoy my son's halloween parade. I am also one of the fortunate people who really does not HAVE to work. I have a side business; CTMH that keeps me in my addiction to scrapbooking, and with that business I have met and enjoyed so many truly talented and fun women that I consider like sisters. I have two older children who have somehow someway by the grace of God, found the right road and have very promising futures. I have the wealth of my education and experience, the opportunity to return to school, the finances to afford most things; at least we have never gone without, and incredibly giving  parents if we do. I have a nice assortment of interests; crafting, True Blood, girls night, the theater, games with the kids, reading, taking fun classes-like cake decorating, couponing and saving money, facebook, traveling and wishing I could travel more.( I am sure there is more) I am for the most part and really should be a happy women. When it is all spelled out in black and white I feel pretty pathetic in the fact that there really is something missing from what I need to make me whole. Perhaps that is where the drive falls short. I mentioned yesterday that I am a hurry up and run kind of gal. I get all pumped up in one area of my life with the thought that somehow this plan or goal will be the thing that will change my life. This week it happens to be working on yet another blog and I have considered yet again the importance of loosing weight and getting healthy.  My husband tells me all the time that I need to stop searching for the answer in something, but look in me instead. He is a shrink after all, maybe he really does know a little something about this. For a long time I thought my dissatisfaction came when I got laid off from my job, loss my big income, loss my sense of security and purpose, but my ever analytic hubby remind me all the time that I wasn't exactly happy then either. I guess I have to ask myself am I really going to be happy if I get that license, loose all the weight, find that big dollar job, get a new hairdo, have the perfect house/car/family whatever?  Well probably not. Trying to fix my emptiness with yet another weight loss plan, a new job, another class at the local craft store, painting my bedroom, returning to graduate school, taking a workshop, volunteering my time, writing a blog, taking up running, stopping nicotine use, making another to do list, scheduling my day, buying a new outfit, buying a bike, cleaning my house or whatever may make me happy for the moment but that moment never lasts. I end up quitting the pursuit, the plan ceases or sometimes I get to the goal and I look around and there I am again...now what. Why start the plan if the outcome is going to be the same. Look at that, now I am even more confused. If I strip away the goals, I am not sure what I might do with myself. Maybe I need to stick with the goal, commit to something and perhaps I will see that there is an end to my means, or maybe I need to stop defining the objective as happiness. When I develop a treatment plan with a client, I never have the long or short term goal to include "be happy". Productive/free of complications from/ management of  perhaps, but NEVER happy, the goal would be unmeasurable and never met. Maybe I should develop my own treatment plan? I think I just might. Wow!!!! Not sure if I gained any insight, think I might have to sit onit for awhile. But I do have to get ready for my son's Parade and prepare for the Halloween evening festivities. TTFN   

Todays blog is point in fact, that I fail miserably at consistency. (Note the last time I wrote anything here) Which may be perhaps my biggest defect! I am and always have been quiet good in the beginning of all things I set my mind out to do. I just don't seem to do all that well at continuing. The last time I told myself that I was going to commit to my blog, I honestly and truly had all the most good intention to do so. Like many thing in my life I take off running. There I goooooooooooooo, then suddenly STOP. I don't even give myself a day of reprieve and start back on that road towards my goal, but utterly and completely just STOP! Then, I'll get that little nag in myself to start once again at whatever plan, deal, promise, musts, have to's, need to's to do and begin that race all over again, only never to reach the finish line. So what has "shot the gun" this time?
Well nothing really has happened. Life has not delivered me some terrible must change news. In fact life has been pretty much going smooth. I have found a way to simply accept my job and stop bitchen about it. I am trying to embrace the position and relish in the positives of the whole thing; I only work 20 hours a week. I arrive at least an hour after everyone else, and I leave sometimes three hours before they do. Is there more pressure to get the work done; yes, but I do my best work under pressure and one good thing about doing the same thing for 15 damn years, you can pretty much do it in your sleep. I have let go of trying to define who I am around what I do. Am I 100% free of that vice, well no and I might just be feeding myself some line of bullshit right now, but I do know that it has no longer taken over my entire existence.  Although I may accept where I am in my professional life right now, I did not say that I am ready to make this job be the end of my career choice. I still and have dabbled in, for more years then I care to admit the idea of returning to school, getting my license and returning to a career in mental health. I have also expressed an idea of returning to school and changing my career field all together. Each day I change my mind.
I did commit to some volunteer work with the local domestic violence and abuse clinic. I currently volunteer every 1st and 3'd Monday of the month to answering crisis calls. I used the word commit, wow! To be terribly honest after being forgotten on a agency email about a change in a meeting time, only to show up and the event canceled, I  DID think about "slipping" out of this so called commitment out of anger, but wisely decided against it still bitter that I had driven 25 min in rush hour traffic and back another 25, in addition  unable to attend the re-scheduled meeting due to my last minute awareness of the change. I currently am sustaining my commitment to this, after all I enjoy what I am doing there and I really do what to help. 
These thing never seem to take the direction I had planned. I had wanted to commit to a discussion around why I need to address my inability to commit, and here I am, on a detour and the time is telling me that my best route for the evening is off to bed. I also really wanted to write that I do hear the "gun". The on your mark, get set and goooo is here and although life may be going smoothly I know deep in myself that I cannot live with acceptance of self any longer and I need to make my move. I just have to find a way to make the commitment to being consistent. ttfn
  

CRAFTY CORNER-

Still nothing happening here. I've been pretty busy with other things this week. Can't wait for my CTMH order to arrive...and I AM GOING TO STOP and get ADHESIVE today no matter what.

SAVINGS-

There has been no savings since my last post. I have been obsessing about finances for the vacation so I am trying not to spend money. However, I did go to the Greek Fest last night and spent a ton of money on GREEK food. Hey, it only happens once a year and NO they do not offer coupons. I have a few great deals that I plan to use on Sunday, only a few items but hey. I also have my vacation menu done and think that with my meal planning at least eating during that week will be on the cheep. I also printed off as many activity coupons for the area as I could. $.50 is $.50 off ya know.

I did make it to the store. Paid $1.45 for all this  and got some coupons adding up to $5.00 on my next purchase of crackers and meats.

WELLBEING-

Once again, there is nothing to tell here. I can comment on some stuff that isn's about me. My hubby the skeptic, was informed by a friend who visited a medium that his deceased father had a message for him. I thought it was really neat and actually inspiring. My hubby thought it was pretty creepy and now he's depressed. I wish he would believe in something outside of this realm regardless to what that might be. He might be a happier person with some FAITH in his life.

My Princess and little man at the Greek Fest.

MY LIFE-

Things have been busy to say the least. Dinner with mom on Monday, Tuesday after plans to attend my eldest senior picnic (which was canceled) I finally got my barrings and enjoyed an evening with some girlfriends at a Patylite Party. I WON two freebee's and was awarded a $50- gift certificate for my efforts on my previous party, even though I was about $20- short of the hostess freebee's. How nice of the consultant and before that I was pissed. Anyways it was a fun evening and we all might just keep attending parties as an excuse to get together. Wednesday with work done and all intentions of attending my eldest awards ceremony....the bubble popped. I call my son...."do you want me to pick you up?" Him "why" me "for the awards ceremony"  "that's not tonight"  " Are you sure"  "yes!" Okay off the phone quick to call mom who is surly on her way to the ceremony. Can't reach her, SURE my son is wrong I go on a mad dash to find the information. Find it!!!! YES it is tonight and about to start in like 10 minutes and it is not where I thought it was or where my mom is going. Call back son, "It is tonight are you ready to go".......long long pause, "No" Call mom again, no answer. Send hubby to where we thought the ceremony was to tell mom. Wait wait wait. Hubby calls, no mom! Call my mom's finally an answer. She went to two different places and finally gave up.Gee's! Called eldest and said you had better call grandma and apologize. Disapointed that my son doesn't even want to recieve his adwards, but he has always kind of been that kid. So we missed awards, no senior picnic. He is soooo nontraditional. He didn't  go to the proms, didn't do senior pictures. Why would I think he would have anything to do with the rest of the SENIOR traditions. I asked before we hung up......ARE WE GONNA GET TO SEE YOU WALK THE STAGE or are you NOT going to that too?  "I'll do that" he says. Thats next week, I guess we will see. Last night was the Greek Fest. A yearly tradition that began when I was just a kid. I'm not Greek, but my bestie growing up is, and we would go with her family every year. Of course things were different then, we were young. I still have fun, but it was never as fun as when we were little girls trying to do the dances, oodling over the hot boy dancers, eating the honey balls. She has since moved to Florida, still wish we could carry on the tradition together. 

CRAFTY CORNER-

I've got nothing new for the crafty corner. I still have not gone and picked up adhesive. Shame on me. I can discuss my weekly project. I saw several posts out there on people who have dedicated themselves to making a weekly layout on what they have done every week of the year. I can honestly say that despite the lack of adhesive, I have been diligent about scraping my every single week since Jan 1 of 2012. (Above is an example of what my weekly page looks like). While blog stalking I noticed that there is a website where you can actually purchase page protectors and paper inserts to help make your weekly project much easier and quick. I personally have a stash of old paper packs and supplies to build a house with to simply cut my own and simply add my own embellishments. I always have like one or two pictures from an event that has happened that really doesn't need an actually full layout and I so enjoy reflecting over my life with something more creative then an old date book or worn out calender with several cross-outs no color no picture. It's kind of like a weekly full on action diary. Biggest bonus has been.....I am FORCED to journal! And guess what, if I do get behind in my regular scrapbooking....as if that ever happens (LOL) I think I have actually dented into last summers events at this point. (I can boast that being within the current decade is a BIG accomplishment for many so I'm not doing to bad.)

SAVINGS-

I am proud to make claim that last evening after my couponing I saved almost $40-. My family and I had dinner at Smokey Bones Restaurant. I had received a $10- gift card in the mail towards a meal at Smokey Bones for free and had a $10- coupon off a $20- total at Smokey Bones. We saved $20- on our meal. After dinner I did some must hit coupon deals at Price Chopper and bought the items pictured above. The total was $10.67.... after my coupons and in store specials but I also got three Catalina coupons for my next visit for a total of $4.00. So basically I spent $6.67 on the products above. Retail was something close to $24.00 I'm not anywhere near an extreme coupon er....but I got to say. It sure feels good to save some money!!!!  PS....look at the produce!!!! People always tell me you can never get healthy food with coupons. Corn was 100% FREE, Milk was a BUCK, the grapes cost me $1.29 and the cereal after the Catalina coupons cost something like $.50.

 WELLBEING-

Maybe I should just leave this little section out. I have done nothing about my wellbeing...Maybe someday I will have something amazing to say like I ran the womens Ironman, give play by play instructions on this absolutely wonderful recipe on a lowfat dinner, offer this mind blowing before and after picture, perhaps I will have some enriching spiritual quot or new meditations mantra, or a picture of me climbing a mountain. But for now I have nothing, I can't even say I made that call to the Dr's office to get my damn headaches checked out. 

MY LIFE-

First off, I'd like to say, corn tortilla shells do not make a good soft taco. They fall apart. Bummer I bought a stack of  80 for $.99. Now what the hell am I gonna do with them?? I made it through work coverage. There was only four people in the group. How ideal and made for a quick and easy note in the chart. Well worth the dollars I should earn for the time I would have otherwise wasted stalking on this computer or looking at the tv. Enjoyed a nice dinner with my eldest and youngest son's and my mom at Smokey Bones last evening. Purchased the book the Hunger Games for Little Man to read.....(I have one rule about purchases for the kids...If they are gonna read it....I will almost always under no condition say no to the purchase. Plus, when he's done I can read it too...he refuses to read it with me...Really when did he get so GROWN ?? My eldest son's senior picnic was CA, so it did end up to be Taco Tuesday tonight....with those not so eatable shells. The Princess had a job interview this afternoon. Crossing fingers she gets a job.  Waiting for my Gal Pal Tami to come over so we can head off for a night of BINGO and Candles at my good friend Renee's candleparty. Life is pretty gosh darn good for the most part!!!! I'm off.

TTFN