been awhile....

WOW!!!!
I can't believe it has been nearing a month since I have posted on here. .... Have been NON-CREATIVE and camera BROKE just before Christmas.....guess i just have been focused on other things...actually I have been UNFOCUSED. It seems to me that I have been busy doing a whole lot of nothing. I continue to be plaqued with unemployment...and I guess that has consumed me as i have not been able to move forwards with much of anything. Initially once I was let go...I was all about taking time for me...scrapping, getting healthy ..going to the gym, being an active parent..all those things that work prevented me from focusing on...then somewhere somehow everything took a downwards turn...know it seems like everything has become a chore....I guess I just feel stuck. Quick senerio.....let go in Aug. 09 got a new job that was all about Theory in Aug. didn't start new job until Nov.....now it's Jan and new job has brought in about 6 patients....slow moving to say the least. So I applied for another job just before Christmas....waited for the Holidays to pass and went in myself to follow up was informed that there was a change in HR staff and that my stuff was still in a pile not yet reviewed.. last week called new HR person...she said she would get back to me...now its over a week and no answer.....Current job has started to pick up...but I am forever in limbo with if I am going to have work or not...and I am totally feeling like the step child nobody wants with this company. So with all of this I have become absolutely STUCK...I stopped my gym routine, I have missed Weight watchers, I haven't put in an order for CTMH in two months...and I don't even feel a bit inspired to do anything creative, doing anything that involves my son's school seems like a task so gosh darn big I have declined ANY such activities..even the cub scouts pinewood derby I secretly want my son to say he doesn't want to go....rationally I know that I NEED to snap myself out of this and get a GRIP, but I just can't seem to get myself motivated in any direction. ultimately that seems to be the problem.....I need to have something stable in my work routine because I continue to be in this LIMBO all of the time...I actually missed two patients on tuesday this week....and didn't even know I was sched. and Monday I wouldn't have gone in except that I just happen to call and ask....I had a 4am God moment today.....figured that I have been asking him to give me a sign about this job I had applied for as that seems to be a big part of why I am feeling stuck....then it hit me...HE HAS SENT ME MANY SIGNS with both JOBS....I NEED TO BEE SEARCHING ELSEWHERE!!!!! DUH!!!! I have been waiting for my current job to take off now for five months.....have been waiting for the ONE company that I applied for to get back to me for five weeks. I suppose I have been waiting for the weight to simply fall off my body, the gym to come and pick me up...put me on a machine and throw me into an aerobic class, waiting for the right something to inspire me to be creative, and wait wait wait some more....Just what have I been waiting for????? Didn't expect that this little blog would serve as a brain storming let get REAL and do what you need to do insert. WOW!!!! Guess i have found my own answers....seems i have been waiting just a little to long...better get a move on and re-start my life..it appears I don't have another minute to spare!!!!!

As the new year approaches.....

I can't seem to believe that the Christmas Holiday has come and gone....and with it, a new year approaches. I seem to recall that last year at this time...I did have some form of new year commitment.....the question now is what was that? I have never been very good at sticking to those RESOLUTIONS, and I am quite sure I have made at least one resolution year...NOT to make any silly RESOLUTIONS just because of that FACT. Loose weight has always been on that list, be more organized also seems to be a top contender, get to the gym more often.....keep the house clean....oh and there is always the project commitment that never seems to get started or if it has started...never finnished (I still have blue painters tape on the floorboards of my livingroom from a paint job I started two years ago, an entire craftroom of albums not finished, papers and cardstock thrown in baggies with those MUST scrap pictures, tons of undeveloped film, and boxes upon boxes of a now 16 year old's kindergarten drawings just waiting to be packaged together as a keepsake.) It seems to me.....as I have known myself now for 40 years.... my resolutions do not stick, and I fear making a New Years RESOLUTION will only be a repeat of the last several years of such. (better not produce a self fullfilling prophecy). So this year......NO RESOLUTION....NO COMMITMENTS to self proclaiming that ....this will be the year when.......This year I am going to simply LIVE each day to the fullest, taking each step ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!! Today I will LOVE in LIFE...not wait for the day when. This does not mean that I intend to live foolishly.....I do still have life commitments to attend to...but instead I will stay in the moment, be carefree, spontanious, joyful, and FREE!!!! I can invision the day when.....I weigh 130 pounds, and everything is organized, the bills are all paid, I have the perfect job, my house looks like a centerfold of Better Homes and Gardens, I have money for and on and on and on......I have been invisioning such things for many New Year's pasts....thing is, I have managed to miss out on the NOW. So for this year......I do not have any futuristic prediction on what I will be doing........and just how much happier I will be WHEN.......This New Years....I am going to just BE.

New day...

Thank Goodness for new days......after my mild depressive spell yesterday..thanks for the support everyone, I am in a much better place. Spent yesterday morning shopping with my mother..this was nice to spend some time with her as she was in England for the last four months. Yeah for MOM's!!! (How come we don't truly appriciate them until we get big???) We had a nice lunch and she gave some wonderful support. Spent the afternoon at my youngests school Holiday party, and the evening with my family. Feeling much much better. A call from a potential employer would have sealed the deal...but no such luck. I have decided that I need to quit my current job (if working three hours Paid hours anyways...not including my personal hours....in the last five weeks a job). In theory this job should be an amazing position....great pay, flexable hours, benefits etc. It just has not blossomed, and I don't have the patience, or the financial means to wait out the thaw. Have decided to look for an established position and therefore I am garenteed hours and a paycheck......theory doesn't always play out like one theorized. I sent out a resume last week and I am hopeful that I get a call soon. I realize that with the Holidays I may not hear anything until after the first of the year, so I am not getting to concerned just yet. One small bummer yesterday was that I dropped my camera and now it doesn't seem to be working....guess I now know what to ask Santa for for Christmas. Don't tell my husband...that I really wanted to seek out a new one anyways....and no I didn't drop it on purpose. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!!!

BAH HUMBUG

I keep being reminded that there are only so many days before Christmas, and now that we are approaching count down #3...I am having a pre holiday freak out......just how did I get in this crunch again this year? I guess I got my fathers procrastination gene....every year I vow to not get in this situation next year and every year...here I am...days before the big day and worlds behind. every year...things seem to work out...but this year..being unemployed has really taken it's toil. I would like to be one of those people who says...Christmas is not about the money....I really would, and I know that in all reality none of us in this family really NEED anything. I would like to have....is a pretty long list however. I am also feeling a little bit gulity, as I am not even slightly prepared with the non-present items....got the tree up...have some lights on the house...but otherwise...it looks pretty plain. I haven't even begun to think about Christmas dinner, didn't do many Holiday cards....and the worse part about all of this is I am feeling Very Grinch or Scrooge like. BAH HUMBUG!!!! Struggling to shake this I do not care about the holiday feeling that simply is eating me up!!!! Maybe some ghosts will visit this evening and give me some direction.....or perhaps I will hear the singing of whosville and my heart will grow three sizes......or maybe I should just enjoy the precious gifts that are not wrapped and under the tree, but the gifts of my friends and family, the gift of Christ in my life, the gift that each and everyday is a blessing and Christmas day is one more of those blessed days......okay, okay......even Scrooge needed three ghosts before he got it!!!! I'll keep working on it.

Holiday Overload

Had party after party this weekend. Kept us all very busy. Enjoyed my CTMH unit party. Our team "Hearts a Flutter" is the best group of gals ever. Had an amazing time. I have not been very active with regards to my gym and ww attendance....must force myself to go today. Feeling a little daunted by my new job....apparently dissapointment and multiple holiday parties MAKE ME EAT bad things. Have decided that I really have to gt aggressive about the work thing and began exploring in a new direction.....(Had no one sched. for this week...bumbed me out) So despite the promice of good money and a very hopful career direction...it looks like it may not be taking off. Spent yesterday at the career center doing my resume and calling all potential contacts for possibilities within the community. Feel like I am going backwards...but at least I wil have a job and an income. Feeling the no income thing heavy this time of year.....everything COSTs so much. Don't want to disapoint the kids Christmas morining. Neither of my younger ones has ever felt they loss out on Chrsitmas morning. Guess thats just reality. Did tell my youngest that Santa is on a budget this year and he may not get everything on his list. He was a little confused but seem to accept this. So back to the real world....job seeking and weight loss

some Holiday goodies i made......

I made the necklace and earings for my CTMH unit party Sat. night. These are my gift exchange. My friend helped me...as this is not my usual craft. I think they turned out pretty good. the Journals are for members of my Health and Wellness group. There are three of them that I have developed a relationship with; and we have become good workout buddies and my coach Sue who has been an amazing support through this process. I am go grateful for these women, they have been an inspiration to KEEP it up!!! 15 pounds and counting....haven't missed a workout day in weeks, and haven't missed a single meeting!!!! H20 aerobics this am, then I am off to the monthy Folkmarch with my daughter.

December 9th 09

Up and ready for another busy day...WHEN, what should i spy out the window......SNOW. Quick turn on the news....Nope...just a two hour delay. Which makes things all the more difficult because now i am committed to things here.....no usual Wed. Morning routine. Would rather of had the kids off completely. Anyways, Have decided to make one more tag for the swap on Sat. and Went with my talented friend Renee yesterday to find jewerly to make as the gift...a shirt as well. Wishing I hadn't waited till the last minute, every minute is taken up this week. Today is my health and wellness meeting, jewerly making this afternoon, tonight Church school for Gavin and my Zumba class. Thursday have CORE at the gym, Cub scouts, and Health and wellness Holiday party. Friday h2o aerobics, and my husbands residency party. Sat....Zumba and I must have all gifts finalized for CTMH unit party later that night, and finally Sunday- Church in the morning and then yet another Holiday party. WOW.....perhaps not working so many hours isn't such a terrible thing...when would I actually have time to work????LOL