Feb. 11, 2012

Saturday morning!!!! I'm home alone for the weekend, for the exception of Peanut (the dog) and my teen aged daughter who will barely be here anyways. Actually quite enjoying the demand free moments. Made these cute valentines for my youngests third grade class. Pretty gross with the cockroaches....but he loves them. I FOUND THEM OFF PINTEREST- Since I do not know the source, I am THANKING them just the same. I am sure they will be a BIG hit!!! I enjoyed last evenings Consultants Club. We played with the CTMH Victory paper pack and Sandy's magic made them look totally "non-male". Ever wonder just how the house gets so darn messy? I swear just two weeks ago I spent all day doing a deep clean and the house already looks like a bomb went off. There really only four of us that spend anytime here.....just how do we make such a mess? So...today the plan is to pump my 80's music and clean. Later I hope to be creative in my little (diningroom) craftroom. I think I'm gonna do some window shopping too.I really was inspired by the vintage Valentine's I saw on someones blog and I am hoping I can find some scrapping paper with the "vintage" look so I can create some valentine decorations. I also want to explore some ideas for my family for Valentines day. Thinking a nice dinner, and maybe I will make a cake. I've never been "big" on the holiday, which would explain why there are so few valentines decorations and really nothing in my stash (even hearts) to pull out and create with. Trying to be thrifty (gotta keep my eye on the fact that I have commited to saving $100- from this paycheck for that application.) I havent gone grocery shopping yet this week, so I've gotta look at what we have and plan out this weeks meals. I also am going to splurge and order some CTMH stuff. Anyway you divide it...it's gonna be tight. We recieved Nick's acceptance to college letter yesterday. I was gushing all over, he seemed to act as if he already knew. He reported he did. I still am proud. This is my kid who just two years ago reported he was gonna quit school and get his GED. This is the same kid who three years ago I was arguing with the school counselor that he was NOT going to be on my couch, living off me, woking some menial job at the age of 25. This is the same kid who from the age of five was so distracted, and struggling so much with school was evaluated and found to have ADHD. This is also the same kid whose assistance teacher (he was in added help and had an IEP) had the BALLS to tell me I needed to get help with my parenting skills or at least therapy, because I refused to "hold his hand" through his education process. So with that said...you can imagin how PROUD I am to recieve such a letter. Great thing about it is....he did this all on his own. How's that for NOT holding his hand through his education process. Funny how when we stop enabling others they seem to rise to the occation. (still holding my breath over my daughter with this one, but she seems pretty determined.) Thing is she only see's the goal and not the steps she needs to get there. Gee!!!! I wonder who that sounds like?????? Well the day is already creeping away and I only have like48 hours of 'just me" and the dog, so I better get a move on. TTFN!

Feb. 10th 2012

TGIF- So glad its Friday. Thursday went quick I did alot of work and got caught up on several things which is always nice. I was going to go with my family (2 of the 6) to Lake George this weekend for My Husbands friends 40th birthday, but I have so much to do and my daughter has to work on Sat. so my hubby was nice enough to let me stay home and do me. I need this weekend. Tonight is consultant club with my favorite upline Sandy. I am excited to play with the new papers and her ideas are always great. I have been so behind with my CTMH business that I haven't even purchased a piece of new stuff. I really need to do so. Plus I need to get on the girls to have a play date. Only a few more weeks in Feb. so I had better get a move on with that! Gotta get on the horn with my daughters medical to re-schedule her PPD again. She needs to have two done within a two to four week period for her to start clinical. She finally had her blood done yesterday. Clinical starts the first week in March. Nothing like waiting till the last minute. We did one series of the TB, but as always something came up for the second. The first time we were on the wrong day and nonone could be available to read the results two days later. My hubby took her to getthe blood work done and he forgot the insurance cars so that didnt happen. It has truly been an ordeal to take care of this..and now were scrambling to get this done. Printed up the little guys Valentine's day cards. I found the template off pinterets. I will post later when they are complete. I had originally started to make monkey heads out of punches, and found that I just was not in the mood to punch 100 plus shapes and glue them together, so quick change up...thank you computer printer and idea from pinterest. I needed printer ink so we took a trip to K-Mart...(secretly I had planned to look at lawn furniture etc. and start a layaway plan). loooking loooking looking....I needed a new gazabo (sp) so that was really the plan. I found that I was not happy with any of them and $500 on sale was not worth it especially if I am not to fond of it. Got my cart full of assorted other items, but nothing worthy of layaway....I find a $300 grill on clearance for $149- I am psyched!!!! Here's fathers day!!! Drag the grill and assorted items to the layaway dept. ring the bell and find that clearance items are not layawayable! BUMMER!!!!! So wish I had an extra $100 laying around, but I have committed to saving $100 for my licensure application and as I mentioned I want to buy some new CTMH stuff. Missing the days when I was making $60.000.00 + a year instead of my $20,000.00 now. Curse YOU enconomy!!!!! Any hoot, I have till spring to get my garden all set and if I work it just right I should have the extra money for my application by mid March and plenty of time before spring hits. So excited for the maleless weekend, and taking care of me. Crafting, cleaning, gym and the girls here I come!!!! Sorry Matt, happy 40th anyway!!!!

Feb. 9th 2012

Happy Thursday!!!! I made it through the day. This 'new" attitude has really been helpful. I was tempted to complain about my job yesterday but I stopped myself and actully my issue worked out. Enjoyed my second cake decorating class last evening. I know its not perfect and my cake was too short to torte, but I was impressed with myself. Last time I frosted a cake I lifted the top off with it and pretended the tin foil was the reason it was such a mess. Two more weeks and I'll be a pro. Today is my Step-son Ben's 13th birthday!!!! As the kids get older, it just reminds me of how fast time flies. I have been the perpetual can't wait to get this day over for so long that sometimes I forget to just enjoy the today! Although I was not there on the day of his birth, I have been there to see him grow from a scared shy little guy to this amazingly active and driven teen. My daughter and I have a date to get her blood work done this pm. Not that she is ill, because she is not fortunately, but she needs to have bllod drawn for her to engage in her clinical at school. She is taking the nursing program at BOCES and needs to have her own medical all taken care of. My female child (the only one of the four) has been my biggest challenge. She has tested my wills and my patience more so then any child could. My mom has reported its payback. If thats the case I am sooo praying that she doesnt see the need to TOP my behaviors. Looking back....I dont know how my mom survived. I was a terrible teen. It appears that for now, the worst is behind us. (Crossing fingers, toes, strands of hair). Its kindof like PTSD....I'm still on guard for Linda Blair to come back...commence the throwing of the Holy water. For now, I am pleased that she is taking responsibility for her behaviors. Speaking of responsibility...I guess I should get on my own and get off this machine so I can get ready for the work day. Til next time.

Feb. 8th 2012

Wow! Did I have alot on my mind yesterday. So what steps have I taken since my last entry? I did watch what I was eating the whole day yesterday and I did not to bad. I didnt make a gym run, but I did go to the grocery store and made some wise purchases. Salad, fruit etc. The one big thing that I did do was spoke with one of my old dear friends about the going back to school. She was a real motivator and has given me a deadline to get the funds together for the licensure application. The fee is $371- . I dont have an extra $1- these days so I recall that this financial ROADBLOCK has been a big part in why my pursuit to obtain this piece has been delayed. So the agreement was, I will take $100- from my next three paychecks and bug my hubby for the additional $71- so that I can have the application submitted by the middle of March. She is working on her own application to law school and has reported her own deadline at the end of Feb. Having an extra support in this cant hurt and she is a big cheerleader! Once my application is submitted, NY state will finally agree to "speak" to me (they had refused before stating until I have to submit my application and fee, before they could help me.) thanks NY. Anyways once I can speak with them i should be able to get a clear picture of what courses I need to take to meet their educational requirements. What happened is I graduated prior to the licensure being in place. I never submitted my application to be "grandfathered in" so I lost that opportunity. Now if I want the licensure I gotta go back and get the course work required. Thing is noone is willing to tell me what that might be. So until I get that taken care of Im stuck. Good news is that I may be eligable to get remitted tutition from my employer. So that being said...FREE classes is FREE classes and I might as well take advantatge of it. Plan is tby March have said application submitted, by April have a good idea about what is expected for the schooling. By May have spoken to the school identified what classes I can getin (I may need to apply) which could suck because my home school agreed to let me wave the application/acceptance and simply let me take the coursework I need. Since I didnt graduate from SU, this may mean I will have to enter as a brand new student. Bummer. Long story short. Have everything lined up, classes ready to be taken...beg for the re-mitted tutition from my employer and I should be ready to go back by Sept. In the mean time, I am excited to report that I have followed up on my News Years resolution to learn new things and have cake decorating class 101 again tonight. Very excited! And I am excited to report that I had an awsome furniture find. Two lawn chairs- they need the pillow seats, but what a great $6- find. I also did make one item I saw on pinterest. Nothing really to technical, but hey I did do it. (attempting to post). Making this blog be my accountability!!! Looks like I left little time for myself to get ready for work, so till next time. I am feeling more productive today and yes...there is a smile sitting on my face.

POOR Pathetic me-get REAL4REAL

Now that I have had my POOR little me session. I guess it is time to get REAL4REAL! Interestingly enough, I have never been one to just let life happen to me. There was once this woman who knew for sure who she was and if she wasn't sure she sure knew how she was gonna get there. That same women seems like a shadow of the person I have now become, but I can't let this be it. I refuse to report...this is as good as it gets!!! Funny how when I was identifying all the negative in my existance I could type on and on, but as I think about what it means to get real...I'm at a loss. When you feel like your life is so off it's course, just where do you begin to find a starting point? Well? Okay....you can only start where your at. Step 1, Dot to Dot, A to Z. Let me find my letter A. I guess my A would be DONT GET DISCOURAGED Life happens and there are going to be roadblocks. Like yesterday for example; I have Mondays off from work and I have been charting, reporting and planning to commit to the YMCA aquatics on Monday mornings for FOREVER. (I went once since my plan was started in September). There just always seems to be something that comes up. Yesterday was a bust for this as I had to get my car serviced atthe exact same time as the class. ROADBLOCK- Now instead of deciding Oh well, I guess I will start again next Monday (because there will most likley be another road block), I could have gone to a later class, ran the tread mill, or taken Zumba (after all that is when all of your friends go anyways). Instead I decided it was a bust sat at the dealership watching court tv and eating their nicely provided high cal. mufins, There will always be next Monday. Hasn't this been the theme of my existance for the last several years? STOP IT!!!! Time SLOWS for NO man, and all Ihave been doing is missing time/moments/memories/enjoyment/YEARS are passing by as I wait for next Monday to start LIVING!!!! B. LIVE IN THE NOW. ToDAy is all we are promiced! So yes, I am not in my routine today and I should be at work right now finninshing the 101th thing that really really really needs to be done yesterday. But all I have is today. Instead of being angry that I am missing time at work perhaps I need to be cuddling with my little guy watching cartoons, clearly being home has forced me to take a look at myself and maybe make a positive step. C. TAKE THE STEP. This could mean both literly and figeritivly. (spelling will always be not so good, dont see any changes going on in that direction). Steps in walking, steps in action/movement, RISK and steps in taking my life back!!! taking the STEPS in Risk should really be my A. because ultimately whats really holding me back from making any changes is that with change is RISK! And what goes with risk? FEAR! Isn't it fear that really prevents most of us from doing things different? Well, I think I'm gonna just sit and think about that one for a bit before I decide to make yet another list of the things that I need to do on my way to making action. I have made way to many lists. So I've got an A. Dont get discouraged. B. Live in the now. C. Take the Step. Theses seem to be some good starting points.

Feb 7th cont.

Feb. 7th 2012

So My promice to blog on a regular basic has gone to the wayside, as most of my plans seem to do. I am home with a "sick" child today, and spent most of my free morning exploring pinterest and was routed to a few inspirational blogs. Which as the word would note...inspired me to get a move on!!! The blogs that had me hooked for most of this am were weight loss journey's and one by a women who is every bit as close to a real Mary Poppins as one can be and as in Mary Poppins- "perfect in every way" there was more envy in reading her blog then inspiration, so I placed my attention on the stories of two women who made their weight loss goal a reality. (I really should note their blogs on here and if I ever figure out how to make this blog more reader friendly I will). For now, I am just going to report that both of these women seem to make a decision for themselves and went for it. I am and feel I have been STUCK for so long that it has become who I am. Oh not that I dont try to get myself out of it; I've made my declaimer that this is it....I've made charts and lists and discussed the plans. I just never seem to take the action. This of course is in reference to my weight, but not just the pounds that continue to build upon my frame, but in most everything in my life. As it occurs there is almost always somthing that gets in the way. Not enough money, a sick child, an inconvenence, wait til Monday, after the Holidays, gotta work, don't have to work, kids are driving me insane, just didn't feel like it, that time of the month, its just to much work...the list goes on and on and on. I just seem to be paralyzed by taking the steps towards making any and all changes.
To start; I weigh somewhere in the kneck of 100 pounds more then when I married my hubby ten years ago. And I thought I was fat then.
For the last three years I have either been not working or working and hating everything about my job. The later is the more recent and everyone is tired of hearing me complain.
My house has more messes and problems then I know where to start. I take the time to start a project I never finnish, and I simply give up.
I had started the year with the intention of doing one art project a week, I have done about three in total.
I feel less and less engaged in my families life everyday, and more and more resentful of some of them as the day goes on.
I have great wonderful amazing friends, but get upset if they dont come around or call to invite me places, but I never seem to make that first call to invite them.
I avoid phone calls that I dont recognize the number (or more likley I do) because I dont want to deal with the bill collectors. I have tried a budget only to spend money at the local fast food place, because I am to lazy to make dinner.
I have submitted part of my licensure and spoke about returning to school for at least a year now.
I have also talked about teaching and needing to address the specific skills I need to present, but have not yet taken the steps to make this go into motion. (another idea that has been out there for at least a year).
I really need to get a physical, a mammy, my eyes checked, see a dentist and hit the gym. (All that have been put off for at least a year plus).
I have reported that I am going to make my CTMH business more successful and now I am pending D/C due ot lack of sales.
I put off, postpone, convenently forget, sleep through, avoid, dodge, and throw my hands up to almost everything in my life. This is no longer becoming a problem if....IT IS!