Jan. 5

1/2 the way down. Wow! the week is actually moving quickly. I was so tired last pm I came home made dinner, and sat and watched several hours of meaningless TV. I caught this special on coupons. It was quite amazing to see these coupon kings/queens save 95% of their grocery bill just using coupons. Imagine a $230- grocery bill costing like $6- bucks. Okay so I was fascinated. Thing is they don't tell you their secrets short of spending several hours in prepration for their shopping trip....and as exciting as that savings may be, I just don't have the time or patience to do such a thing. I also caught the new Paula Abdul dance show, while I flipped back and forth to the new biggest looser season. I didnt claim to have the most exciting life....but I did enjoy the simplisity of just doing nothing. Maybe I will step it up this pm, and clean a little.....

Jan 4

Surprise Surprise....yesterday was a pretty good day. Work went well, no Problems.....I didn't get everything I had hoped to get caught up on, but things did progress well, and my first work day of the new year was a success. Must stop catastorfizing (i know this is not a real word) everything. I even made it to the gym and took my first ZUMBA class in over 8 months. I did get a smack of reality.....I am soooo out of shape. Did my first layout of 2011, signed my youngest up for soccer, and although I did get several on call calls last night, none of them were big time emergencies and I didn't have to leave the house. I am beginning to realize that perhaps I am the maker of my own misery, and perhaps if I just stop worring about what will happen and just live....things are really not as bad as I can make them out to be in my head.

Jan. 3

As if Mondays aren't hard enough, coming back into a work week after an extended weekend, and two days ill, SUCKS. I am three days behind walking into the dreaded Monday morning meeting, picking up the on call phone, and finding myself truly dreading the day. I keep telling myself that I can't do anything about the week before, but the fact that I have 101 things that I have to do to catch up, just keeps poping into my head. So what number on my resolution was that thing about sleep eat work...oh yeah number 1. Go figure this happens to be the week that I am so far behind and I have work duty 24-7 until next Monday. Did I really buy into the idea of an on call position? Really? Was I truly that desperate to retun to work that when that part was mentioned during the hiring process I simply tuned that out? It seems to me there was alot about that your hired day I seemed to have missed. Anyways, I am attempting to walk into my first day of the New Year with a whole new attitude about Mondays, my job, and everything to do about the work experience. It's gonna be a GREAT day (forced smile)! And maybe, just like the trip to the dentist, when it is all over, I can say...okay it really wasn't all that bad.

Jan.2

Into day number two the the new year. I did get into the house cleaning, and made a major dent. Had a nice dinner with my husband, finalized the birthday for next weekend, and spent the evening with friends loosing terribly to the men 80's trivial pursuit. This game was the re-match from the last game the females lost. My husband is just to damn smart. Unless he's on my team I don't forshadow a winning in my future. Church this am, more cleaning, then off to the YMCA with some more friends. Perhaps then I will be to create this pm.

Day 1 of 2011

So we begin 2011. Since I am finally feeling better, I realize that there is a ton of things that need to be done around this house. Okay so noone really wants to spend New Years Day cleaning, but it has to get done...and no I am not including house work on my list of sleep eat and work. I will get things done around here so I can enjoy the rest of the day. Number one on the list is get the tree down....although it really feels like I just put the thing up. Tree down, tidy up the rest of the house, make some big birthday plans for my youngest who turns 8 next week, do some me time....send out some Thank Yous to family for their Holiday cheer, start some New years scrapping and CTMH planning, dinner perhaps with the Hubby...we celebrate 9 years together today!!!! Stilll in love after all these years, and be ready for day 2. Perhaps this year I will do a 365 day scrap book...maybe that will be fun....and I am off. I will post later if I become at all creative in the day and have a artistic masterpiece to post I will return until then. HAPPY NEW YEAR.....I am already feeling that 2011 will be better and brighter then 2010.

Entering 2011

Reflecting back on 2010 as I enter a New Year: Last year I was in such a different place, I wouldn't say a better place, or a less fortunate place, just a different place. I recall that I intentionally decided that I would not make any resolutions for 2010, and for the most part, I lived up to that. My thought process at the time was that I never seem to meet those outrageous goals I set for myself on the EVE of December 31st, so why put so much pressure on myself? Thing is I think we all have to have some goals for our lives, otherwise we just surrender to what is. Although I am a firm believer in acceptance, I accept that there are things out of my control but I have taken on so much acceptance over the last year, that I have simply accepted that this is the way things are. I have surrendered to the acceptance that things will not change, and I might as well just get used to it instead of making a change in myself to do what needs to be done. I do not know where/when I became so complacent but I am not where I want to be in my life right now, and so the resolutions need to start now. #1. I will no longer feel or act as if I sleep, eat, and work. My job does not define me. I will no longer look to people who cannot provide me with self worth as a measuring tool of my value. If I am dissatisfied with my job, then I must make it work to my benefit or look elsewhere. #2. I will take time out for what brings me pleasure. I only have me for the rest of my life, why should I short change what I find to be important for others? I will not feel guilty if I take my full hour lunch, I will give myself the freedom to enjoy my scrapping, take trips, spend time with family and friends, make time to do what I want to do, and be okay with the decision to do so. #3. I will not be fearful. I will no longer be intimidated by what others think of me. More so I will not project what I believe others will think of me. My fear has had such a tight chock hold over me this past year that I have been suffocating and dying inside. I have missed opportunities to voice my opinion, take a stand, stiffened my spirit. I am drowning in my fear. #4. I will take care of myself. I have been ill more times this past year then I have ever been in my entire life. I have gained more weight in this last year, for the exception of pregnancy, then I have in my entire life. I have been more lazy and felt more non-productive then I have ever in my whole life. I need to take care of myself or I'm not gonna have a life. This means I need to get to medical appointments, get to the gym, eat better, and not fall into the couch once I get home from work. It MEANS balance. #5. I will be more available to my family and friends. My husband is the most amazing man I have ever met. He has and will support my craziest plans. I have four great kids, that i love with all my heart. I have some of the most wonderful friends. I have not been the best wife to this man, and I have been an absent parent to my kids, giving them the bare minimum of my attention. Some of my bestest friends I have not seen or spoken with since last year. In 2011 I will let then all know just how important they are to me. #6. I will be attentive to my finances. In 2011 i will be aware of where my money goes and just how much I spend. No more denial. This defect of character has haunted me for way to many years. I must learn to be accountable for my role in where the money goes. #7. I will get my CTMH business up and running again. Not having enough time is no longer an excuse. I had all the time in the world last Jan. Feb. March, and April...what was my excuse back then? #8. I will continue to further my awareness and education. I have postpone obtaining my license feeling that if the NY state insurance companies will not recognize it, then why bother. But I need to finaliuze that part of my degree. I need to get my license. I also need to sustain my certification, and continue to be aware of new ideas in my field. #9. I will do what I say I am going to do. No more indifference. I have waffelled in my decisions about this or that for so long that I can't seem to make a decision. In 2011 when I say it I will mean it. #10. I will give myself permission to fail. I have not always taken a risk, or gone the extra mile or even made resolutions out of the fear of failure. I recognize this is a long list, and I probally wont meet all of the expectations on it all of the time, and that is okay. I will allow myself to make a mistake and give myself permission to move on.