meditation

about 8 minutes later.....Okay so i was not anywhere near what I had planned for meditating, but I do it, and I am sure that each time will be more focused. I am feeling pretty calm and relaxed just the same. I just found that while I was meditating I was focused on so many ways that it just would not work....the dog didn't know what to do with me and after a few laps around my lap, he finally found a soft spot to lay down, whew.....then I noticed the humming of the computer which brought my thoughts to my husbands anger earlier about the computer being on all night....push it away can't undo the past...I then found myself forcing it...just stop it already visualize for goodness sake....where am I??? Oh yeah I'm here in my livingroom attempting to meditate...NO NO NO....I am in a green field....I took several redirective breaths....focus, repeat meditate, meditate, meditate...green field, warm breeze, flower smells. Finally I just sat..eyes closed, darkness surrounding me, house sounds, car driving by, furnace turning on, no forced anything I just allowed what was...to be, no judgements, just let it go. WOOSH!!! Perhaps that is what meditating is all about, not some supernatural out of body experience that promices to bring infinate wisdom. Perhaps meditating is just simply being.

Monday....

Okay...so I have officially have begun....Wendy's new way of living. I started off this am, doing some journaling. Easy enough, then I read from two different inspirational daily readings. Interesting that they both mentioned Meditation. I have never been one to just sit. Prolonged meetings, lectures and even waiting at a Dr. appointment has me a wreck....I find myself stirring in my seat, fidigeting, crossing and uncrossing my legs, doodling, giving heavy YOU CAN TELL I've had enough sighs and even pacing if given the option. So the idea of meditating seems extremly foregin to me. In my profession...I have been taught how to lead others into a state of relaxation, and I do this well...I have even taken my own counselor wellness courses to assist in my own stress reduction, and when I think about prayer I realize there is a part of meditation needed. I recognize the value and the benefits of meditation. Thing is..... I just can't seem to do it. I strongly believe that things happen for a reason....therefore two readings referencing meditation has to mean something. Today I will attempt to meditate....I will just sit in stillness, appriciate the calm and quiet, attempt to block out any intrusive thoughts that may develop and bring myself back to this state of one within myself. PEACE, SERENITY......imagine that. Start small, and I have been told that there is no wrong way to do this, if thoughts wonder...then that's okay I will simple blow them away and focus on the calm. Feel the floor under my feet, the hardness of the chair against my back, listen to the silence and the slow pace of my shallow breathing, breath deep I smell the familular sent of home bringing me a sense of safety and love, I will gaze into the darkness of my minds eye, perhaps there is some light....my mind will drift into a state of comfort and assurance that all things will be as ment to be, time will become non existant I will not feel rushed, I hear the dryer buzzer...and I briefly question if I remember to wash the blouse I plan to wear later today..........I divert.....breathe a little heavier now....bring myself back...I say to the air more then to myself....Everything is what it shall be...all is okay. I am back again...I attempt to visualize an open pasture a warm breeze blows across my face, the smell of wildflowers tickle my nose, I hear the rustle of weeds being blown in a calming rythym. I sense the warm sun beating upon my face and embrace it's arms. I breathe again, feeling as if I am truly there in the sun, in the field, smelling the smells, engulfed in the serenity of it all. I am one with all things, no question of where my life SHOULD be, as I am right where I need to be!!! I have no doubts, no fears, all is welcomed, I can be authentic to myself, I can be me!!!! That was fun......feeling pretty confident now....... I 'll let you know how it all works out later!!!!

Care for self

I really enjoyed Jeanette Lynton's blog on taking care of self. I have not of late been very good with that part of my life. I find that with most projects...lifestyle changes..or whatever...I fall flat after just a short period of time. I was inspired yesterday after watching a segment on fit tv. I tend to flip the channel's frequently (what did I do when we had to get up and change the channel?) and I was caught by a lovely woman who was telling her story of obesity. She wasn't someone who had fought for years to loose this termendious amount of weight, she was just a woman who recognized that she could not continue to live her life overweight any longer. I suppose I was inspired because I could relate. I find that when I see these stories of these people who have to loose 100+ pounds are unrealistic for me....those cases are extreem.....I am not looking at an extreem situation. Do I need to loose weight? Absolutely...but do I need to loose 100's of pounds..no. So I guess this story really caught me, because her story was real to me. She started off small, she put daily activities into her life, walking, doing, moving...and with her persistance and 5 years later she is now running marathons and looks GREAT. Of course I would like to have things immediately, but I felt her 5 year dedication gave me permission to take up to five years or even more if I needed. I have this I need it now attitude that has in so many aspects of my life sabatoged my progress. I work out a week or so, eat nothing but greens for a few days and feel discouraged when I get on the scales and have lost nothing. This pattern of needing quick results has crept into many areas of my life and I often give up. I look at the last year...After my layoff I was all about taking care of my home, my kids, myself...and yes I started out very committed.. I was cleaning up, organizing, had begun home projects, but soon quick and the house again fell short. My participation with my kids began with an active member of the PTO, attending every school function, doing fund raising...becoming my son's scout leader....I was all on that, but soon found that I was disinterested and frusterated with the whole business. I had begun a gym routine that I was strict with, daily YMCA routines, restricted diets, I attended self support groups, read up on taking care of myself, meditation, and writing down my thoughts were a part of my day....and then like everything else i just stopped. I could go on and on with these patterns in my life...my CTMH business, my marriage, my careers, my relationships with others.....Just about everything in my life has begun with a go for the gold only to give up should I find I'm falling into second place. gotta think a bit about this.

Too much snow ruin Vacation Plans....

Okay...so for the most part....since my lay off in August, I have not taken any real time away, additionally, there has not been one snow day for the kids school yet this year....So what happens...Got a trip planned...all packed, ready to go and DUMP....we get hit with the biggest snow dump we've had all season. My daughter can't even enjoy the fact that there is no school today, my son is just grateful he can play the wii... I am most certainly disappointed... and if I was that same CRAZY girl I was 15 years ago...I may just take the trip anyways...but I am a more careful mother who is not willing to run the risk of killing myself and two of my children...just so we can take a little time away. Making the best of the situation...I plan on scrapbooking, cleaning, and this free's up the weekend for the many events that we were going to miss. Besides...Boston and Salem...have got to be much more exciting in the spring...and perhaps my hubby will be able to take off some work and join us should we go in the future......

Mojo Monday and Color me Monday...

I took Mojo Monday and Color Me Monday and made this cute little card.

Wishful thinking....

My springtime layout is wishful thinking....Spring seems so far away as I glance out into that cold upstate NY snow...so I pulled out a few layouts that I made awhile back that reminded me of warmer weather....Here they go. Weekend was busy...Enjoyed the Black Belt Spectacular that my Step son participated in. Ben rocks!!! Also had a visit from my MIL and enjoyed a few to many meals out. Sat. night was date night for me and the hubby and we enjoyed the local cover band One Hard Krank. Sunday I was blessed to witness two of my friends be baptised and make a commitment to God. Extremely enjoyable weekend. Next weekend should be as busy...I am taking a small vacation to visit my college roommate in MA on Thursday....I can't wait. talking two of the four kids and visiting Salem and perhaps Boston.

yesterdays work

The left picture is a flip flap album I made at a Unit Workshop awhile back...I added the embellishments and pictures of our last trip to Vegas...we went with my mother in law, I am planning on giving it to her today...The cover picture was from our hotel room...what a view. The right side picture is using one of the discontinued CTMH acrylic stamps. I played with several sets that I have not used very often. Enjoy