Thursday, January 21, 2010

been awhile....

I can't believe it has been nearing a month since I have posted on here. .... Have been NON-CREATIVE and camera BROKE just before Christmas.....guess i just have been focused on other things...actually I have been UNFOCUSED. It seems to me that I have been busy doing a whole lot of nothing. I continue to be plaqued with unemployment...and I guess that has consumed me as i have not been able to move forwards with much of anything. Initially once I was let go...I was all about taking time for me...scrapping, getting healthy ..going to the gym, being an active parent..all those things that work prevented me from focusing on...then somewhere somehow everything took a downwards turn...know it seems like everything has become a chore....I guess I just feel stuck. Quick senerio.....let go in Aug. 09 got a new job that was all about Theory in Aug. didn't start new job until it's Jan and new job has brought in about 6 patients....slow moving to say the least. So I applied for another job just before Christmas....waited for the Holidays to pass and went in myself to follow up was informed that there was a change in HR staff and that my stuff was still in a pile not yet reviewed.. last week called new HR person...she said she would get back to its over a week and no answer.....Current job has started to pick up...but I am forever in limbo with if I am going to have work or not...and I am totally feeling like the step child nobody wants with this company. So with all of this I have become absolutely STUCK...I stopped my gym routine, I have missed Weight watchers, I haven't put in an order for CTMH in two months...and I don't even feel a bit inspired to do anything creative, doing anything that involves my son's school seems like a task so gosh darn big I have declined ANY such activities..even the cub scouts pinewood derby I secretly want my son to say he doesn't want to go....rationally I know that I NEED to snap myself out of this and get a GRIP, but I just can't seem to get myself motivated in any direction. ultimately that seems to be the problem.....I need to have something stable in my work routine because I continue to be in this LIMBO all of the time...I actually missed two patients on tuesday this week....and didn't even know I was sched. and Monday I wouldn't have gone in except that I just happen to call and ask....I had a 4am God moment today.....figured that I have been asking him to give me a sign about this job I had applied for as that seems to be a big part of why I am feeling stuck....then it hit me...HE HAS SENT ME MANY SIGNS with both JOBS....I NEED TO BEE SEARCHING ELSEWHERE!!!!! DUH!!!! I have been waiting for my current job to take off now for five months.....have been waiting for the ONE company that I applied for to get back to me for five weeks. I suppose I have been waiting for the weight to simply fall off my body, the gym to come and pick me up...put me on a machine and throw me into an aerobic class, waiting for the right something to inspire me to be creative, and wait wait wait some more....Just what have I been waiting for????? Didn't expect that this little blog would serve as a brain storming let get REAL and do what you need to do insert. WOW!!!! Guess i have found my own answers....seems i have been waiting just a little to long...better get a move on and re-start my appears I don't have another minute to spare!!!!!